I have to admit....i am always in a blog mode. As I went to this wedding party tonight..i was surprised to see how I kept thinking in a blog mode…this is what you call dedication people…you get into its mood and just don’t leave it..bhagwan kare I get into my PhD mood like this and don’t get out of it for the next five years…
I should have gotten used to it by now…as it always happens with me and specially when it is least expected…today I came back late after having a nice outing with my friends and then I got this big shock that I had to go to this party with my mom…now..now..now…my dad was supposed to go for sure but at the very last moment dad ditched us and tricked me into accompanying mom…abhi ek nek, sharif aur obedient, seedhi saadhi bachchi hone ke karan I could not leave my mom alone in all this jeopardy….so bhaiyaa… hua ye finally that I had to go there…
If you have ever been a victim..oops…guest to any of the Indian parties then you’ve probably seen this sceanario more than once…n know what I am saying…so don’t read this any further….
To begin with first things..first I hate parties of any kind and specially wedding parties…I mean yaar…we entered the premises…guys at the door…made to stand to welcome guests but eventually they are making their own setting….checking out all the girls at the very point of entry.clever huh?....after you pass from their custom check there is this mass attack of all the uncles and aunties you have known since the time you wetted your nappies..okay fine..fine I will change it....hmmm..hmmm…since the time you used to lick your thumbs….and dare you not remember them ..its a crime….well I can tell you and you got to stick this sweet poster perfect smile on your face..and check your memory by recognizing the faces of every possible uncle and auntyiji present there..and whats more you even got to recall their names…omg..i mean isn’t it a big deal that we have tried to stuff..all the 20-22 years (hehe… I am not a fool to let out my age so easily so keep guessing…) of stuff, GRE word lists, MBA formulae, BTech curriculum and our own names into our already exhausted grey matters……that we are made to take up this identity test every now and then..and to top it all I really have a shorthand at remembering aunties and uncles..i only remember them if they had any super notorious kids who could even make dalai lama loose his temper and head or if they brought chocolates for us whenever they visited us…on no other grounds can I ever remember any uncles and aunties…no offence meant….i mean c’mon if we have gotten older then you too have changed a lot (read gotten old and wrinkled)
But after lots of practice I have found that one way out of this kinda sticky situation and it is simply to keep smiling and whenever they ask you nod....fevererishly and you’d be half way through…and yes if at all the name game props up then you gotta really pose like a thinking and lost Einstein and say “hmmm—yeah yeah I do remember…. you used to come to our place..and…..hmm..hmmm..” and BINGO this is it..after that they will continue…(trust me 99% this works as they had surely come down…at least once…)
Now then when you finally get off the hook comes the dinner part and that is the most scary..one ..for most of the time you simply keep worrying that someone might just spill the plate over your new dress or the little kids running confused to look for their lost mummies..might drop that ice cream on your shoes and if you are not worrying for that you are trying to make some space for yourself to get that particular kinda dish you see in other’s plate…I mean in most of the parties I have been in I haven’t taken even half the time to eat dinner that I did running around the place to get what I really want….and by the time you finally beat the crowd, heat and congestion to get it….you simply loose your appetite…I mean the guys do look a notch better and humane in their suits and all groomed…(as papa warned and mummy threatened them to finally comb their hair as they would be meeting their parents colleagues there and it was a serious matter of their ‘ghar ki izzat’) but apart from that the dire consequences of someone spilling their plate on you with all the oily food in the world in it is petrifying for me …and not to forget those painted aunties in the corner who are tryin very hard to show off their new saree they bought at exorbitant price and also every little item they bought after they met at the last party..including nail paint, sandals, chintu’s clothes, husbands tie, car etc etc etc...
Sample this:
Mrs. Gupta : arre Mrs. Irani ..where is mintoo..i cant see him anywhere around..hasnt he come today..or what?
Mrs. Irani: no no Mrs Gupta..he is right there getting an ice cream for me as I cant go anywhere near that naa…as u can see the crowd there and my expensive saree from Delhi’s neeta lulla’s store might get blotched up…
And even my sandals (showing her feet with those tacky and maybe expensive sandals on of course…) are paining a little as my beautician did my pedicure a little too hard..
Mrs. Chaddha: hey your sandals look great too? From where did you get them…?
Mrs Irani: oh they were a gift from inse from
All their glaring, shiny, gaudy sarees and heavy makeup can be injurious to your eyes , their gibberish show off talk can lead you to brain haemorrage and their heavy perfume can leave your sense of smell numb from excess shock…
so a statuary warning ..STAY AWAY from them at every cost… *issued in public interest….*
I still believe that the worst affected are the bride and the groom…stuck up there on the stage all hungry and posing for snaps in that heat of the 100 watts bulbs and halogen lights…I mean its sad to even look at them all starved and painted exuding all that happiness and charm of a lifetime as their insides squirm in panic and starvation…for food and freedom that is bidding its last good bye to them…looking at them I feel so fortunate and relieved at the same time….
I mean how can women be so envious of each other all the time..there are around 100 married aunties lurking around and not one would go up to make the girl any wiser about the truth about marriages as she’s all set to be slaughetered ..they are all busy eating and celebrating another additional prey to their community of married women..while the girl thinks innocently that the only side effect of marriage is being qualified to be called aunty even in your 20’s….pathetic…
Then comes those mummies who only attend every party on this earth to look for their prospective daughter-in-laws and they keep x-raying every eligible girl they can lay their eyes on and tactfully getting their pics and their vital statistics and complete biodata..i mean they could have done such a beautiful job as a detective or maybe a journalist but what a waste…sniffing girls at a party for their not so eligible sons…it sucks…
They ask you questions that are just too obvious to everyone except them..
Prying Auntyji: beta you look great tonight…(first sign she likes the girl)
Poor girl (target): thank you aunty..(wondering …arre yaar..ye kaun hain)
Prying auntyiji: so whats your good name beta? (here comes the jackpot question..dont take this easy…this is to know your caste and religion…)
Target: I am Meera (hehe I will not tell you my full name..hehehe)
Prying auntyji: aur beta papa ka name kya hai? (aunty bhi chaalu hai yaar…she will not admit defeat…papa’s name again to know her caste and religion wat else..)
Poor target: Dr. Anil Sharma ( hmm…pandits …wow now she is over eligible..as auntyiji is also a pandit..and of course her idiotic son)
Prying auntyji: what are you doing these days? (this question is to assess the age and occupation and also her academic credentials…ek teer se teen nishaane…did you ever underestimate these innocuous auntyjis..then beware)
Target: nothing much I am doing my MBA from blah blah..
Prying auntyji: hmm..so who all are there at home..and what does your father do?
So it goes like this and bingo..auntyji’s mission accomplished…..and she has already made half of her mind ..then comes the parents talk and then her contacts too…poor girl knows nothing of this while she’s being set up for some unknown idiot who is maybe bunking the boring party to date her gf…
I mean ok..if he would bother to come and we could also have a peek then things would be better and we can also decide the future course…but forget it…I have realized the fact that no intellectual and sensible guys ever attend parties...
I mean this party I attended..had ‘aey ganpat….’ blaring our of its cheap loudspeakers..i mean cmon..dude…koi toh song change karo yaar…they could hire me to play songs I have definitely better choice that this..
This is not all last when I went to a bday party they had the song song ‘maut’ from kaante playing there…the kids were all so morose that they refused their cakes too…
Its high time they censor the songs they play at a gathering…
The cute innocent and decked up kids are not far behind to give you nightmares....they step on your shoes, spill their ice creams and plates on your dress and even wipe their hands on your dress mistaking you for their moms ..n then they also play hide n seek where the food is being served and on the stage too….reckless..moms…I love parties where they have these mickey mouse and other cartoon characters to keep them busy…. Such a huge relief…
in all these years i still havent figured out why does the groom come riding a horse (if at all you call that riding)..the stench of these horses is aweful...anyways...what i have come to conclude is that they want to make him feel like a prince for the first and the last time in his life...well thats very insightful of me...well none of my business..that is i know...
On the whole I really think that gatherings of any sort are a torture for me…not only I am a wallflower at such parties where there are strangers all around you and you have to fake smiles and all..man..i cant take it…I am not anti social but being a extreme social is not my cup of tea…being with friends is the best thing is this world according to me…they make anything bearable and fun…far away from these prying aunties and reckless kids out to ruin your dress all in a conspiracy….
So next time you go to any wedding party then do keep away from aunties and kids and you might enjoy your evening and take your ipod along and find a cornermost chair where no one is sitting…
The worst part is that as I write this blog I see that other card lying on the table…for next week..i am going to co-incidentally plan a movie with frends for that day for sure…if you can think of anything better to evade that then lemme know…I can always use your ideas….
Till then Enjoy your parties….
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