Though A Strange day.....but while I am here..lemme tell you this is me...

Nothing else seems to fit in my definition of this day which gives you confused thought about yourself, and life in general….and it is known as birth day…

Now celebrating a birth day has its own implications which i never thought of earlier.....for starters now I am more confused than being happy as to what should I feel when its my bday…I know that it’s life and it has to go on whether u like it or hate it..but with every passing year..things keep on changing with me..earlier when I was a kid I was in such a hurry to grow up ..i used to look at my sister and other elder cousins who had an opinion and knowledge about everything from buying a simple matchbox to buying family car and i was not blind to notice the amount of importance their views and advices were given….one or two times when I could really comprehend what was actually being spoken of I too tried to have my say but it was avoided to the point of being overshadowed with my age and inexperience...so I wished that one day when I would grow up..i would be given importance too…but growing up isn’t that easy…n I overlooked its other repercussions …you have to go out and face this world which isn’t the rosy picture that u paint in your inner innocent mind over years of childhood..its a cruel world out there…we all go out into the world with lots of trust and love and with the thought that we would be loved and remembered by all but as it turns out…we are left numb with its eye opening surprises and shocks of life and its only then we realize that we were so safe under the wings of our parents and in the premises of our own home..where nothing evil could touch us…our hopes and impressions are all shattered about this world and we start to lose trust..all we can have after that comes skepticism to the extent of misanthropism …we do gain experience and our opinions might begin to matter but somewhere inside we become such hardened creatures..unmoved by anything that comes our way….we face betrayals and then only we come to know the real essence of growing up ….its not all that easy….life is not that easy a cakewalk and everyone has to fall once or twice in the potholes that others set up for us on our way to this wisdom….and we learn everything the hard way….we realize that people are not as sweet as we had imagined and do what we may ..our intentions will always be misinterpreted by one or the other and there will always be people who will hate you for even if its for your goodness..bcoz though goodness may need a reason to be appreciated but hatred knows no such rules and some people always find a reason to hate others to criticize them and to bitch about them. It hurts initially to know that despite of being purely innocent there r people who will ridicule, mock, backstab and hate you..but as some more time passes..we all become inured to it and then nothing hurts whatsoever. We overcome all these trivial feelings and concentrate on other aspects..realizing at the same time that..we cant even appease ourselves completely and we all have some sort of deep regrets or unfulfilled dreams which we hide for rest of our lives and time and again justify ourselves ..so its impossible to appease and impress the whole world outside which is looking for its own chances to deprecate you and to bring you down on your knees..the sooner we realize this the better it is for us because this realization also teaches us that we can just be ourselves…and give up on all our pretences and just be pure and honest ..atleast in that way we can feel a sense of completeness and be happy about our being..n start to like ourselves…and also explore our real selves...which was hidden under that veneer of concern for this world and society....

Its my bday today but I don’t know whether to look back and feel happy or to feel sad….I feel happy that I have finally grown up and thankfully also learnt very precious lessons of life the hard way n still came out of it…

However old we may get every year but to leave your safe haven always feels bad and a little uncomfortable to all of us…..as you know you would have no to look back to.. a new place, a new environment and strangers does unnerve you a little but with a heavy heart you go ahead and take your chances and in the end you realize that it was all worth it..and has made you a little more wiser and responsible…letting go of your innocence is a huge loss in my eyes but we have to move on…

Are birth days really meant to be celebrated ? I mean in a way we are approaching near death and we are still happy about it..or are we happy that finally life is coming to its end and so are all its miseries and pains ..and shattered hopes and incomplete dreams and those torn apart relations that left deep scars somewhere inside us…

I am still not very sure whether I should feel happy that I have finally survived through so many years of my life all safe and secure with few goof ups and so many worst case scenarios, should I feel happy to have learnt my lessons well till now ..and for the broken illusions of greatness of this world...and it lovely people...or should I lament on the magnanimous loss of my innocence, my childhood and many relations which I though would last longer than they really did….should I lament for the many beautiful moments full of love, care, pranks and laughter that have been lost in the sands of time and will not come back however I may call out for them…

People will continue to be cruel to you and world will go on indifferently like this…and we will keep breathing like this ..nothing will change except us and maybe on my next birth day I would be an entirely different person.

Apart from all the happiness or sadness we may feel around us i have realized that the most important thing in life is to love oneself and make oneself respectable enough to be loved by us...and thats from where deep happiness begins..we need to first love ourselves before we try to love anyone else...we get upset when someone mocks us...and hates us..but we always forget that we are special and all those people trying to deprecate us are envious of something or the else in us...instead of begin sad we should realize that they do so because try how hard they may they will never be able to become like us and it is this fury of failure within them that drives them to all this ridiculing..but the best way is to overlook such trifling grievances and look at the bigger picture...be happy and try to spread some cheer...and that will make your life worthwhile...if you succeed in wiping even one persons. tears and help them see the light of the day..then u have accomplished your goal...in life...

Trust me nothing feels better than to gift a surprise chocolate or a candy to a street urchin and see that gratefulness on their faces and that twinkle in their eyes….or to help and old lady/gentleman to cross a busy road...try doing it sometime and u'd know what i m talking about...after all enjoy every day …who knows kal kya ho yaar…

life is too short for hating others..so forgive n forget those who hate you coz u will keep brooding like this about them and even worse to please them and then the next mornign you will open your eyes and see that you are 90 and bedridden...dont give this society a damn because they will always snub you for something or the other...reach out to whatever your heart desires and always remember your basic ethics and principles...coz integrity is the foundation of all big achievements....let go of all the hatred and the people who hate you as well and look at life from a new angle and you'd see how beautiful life is and how fair are god's ways....

god's love and light can only touch a pure heart...so purify yourselves ...and love yourselves...

Enjoy day of your life and try to minimize your shortcomings…start smiling..and spread some cheer around..never stop dreaming.. and be positive….thats life..and so it should always be….keep your faith because that is the foundation of any relation in this world..whether it be with god or your earthly acquaintances….

Self exploration is the hardest thing to do but i m on to it...and by my next bday i would make a headway into it even further.....but till then i will try and live every day to the fullest.... till then ciao...