Feeling confused and nostalgic....

this bus with the tag line goes so well with my post.....waise this road which leads to freedom is not for me but for someone else..if u want to know whom.then read this blog to the last...if u can bear the torture..or else stay ignorant for ever....

I love thinking…not because i m some great philospher or poet but because i have all the time in the world to do it these days....and that’s what I have been doing so liberally lately..so hmmmmm…hmmm…err.... there I go again…wake up girl....u r in the middle of blog writing…

I have been at the bottom of the scale measuring the social life of anyone…measuring in negative….so all I do is to think…I just want to go and get busy…so something worthwhile…and as soon as this thought hits me…I start wondering about the day when I will leave..and it confuses my feelings right that moment…everyone loves their home and the very thought of leaving your safe have does stir up a lot many apprehensions and thoughts in one’s mind…so far…all by myself..abhi toh mere ko theek se raaste bhi yaad rakhne padenge yaar…that would be occupying another good fraction of my already used and exhausted brain…

I m definitely looking forward to my new life in an entirely different part of the world which I am so used to live in and so enconsed in too…

but then as my mum says..no one acheived anything big while sticking around one's house....

so dude..i gotta go and though i am ambivalent and happy and confused and a little nostalgic abhi se hi but i am all the more worried about my folks..though i have stayed in hostel for four long long years and i have grown up a lot..but mere pa-ma still think of me as their little girl who used to sleep in bathroom on the floor when made to stand to brush her teeth, who never learnt to tie her laces properly, who was always late for her school tempo, ricky and who has been the biggest hurdle in their jobs as she was such a cry baby....who sucked her thumb god knows till when, who played with barbies under the dining table with her frends included (space management).... played hide n seek wearing those payals and as always got caught...and never quite understood why? And not to forget still maarofies thenice cool pens that they get in conference folders and bags…including the last week pen and all the nice folders in dad’s bag…

They just cant accept that i have grown up..finally..though dimagi taur pe thodi si imbecility ke signs hain par keeping this apart from that she has grown up....trust me mummy...

though my culinary skills are as good as it was in class sixth (that means nothing ..nai nai..not even tea n maggi), though i still think ki woh toffees mummy nai santa clause rakhte the....though i am still not a big fan of those aunties who talk in their shrill voices and pull you cheeks in sinister pleasure as if they were made of infinite elastic...saying" arre kitni badi ho gayi hai" even if they met you after a gap of 2 months....

though i still love to irritate everyone….including my parodies on di and i still put salt in teas 'by mistake' when i dont c any guests getting me chocolates ...i still ravage the bags of pa, di and mummy when they return from any trip to anywhere from london to jharkhand for hiddes surprises and gifts though they may be few and far between....and I still love to keep my things scattered on my bed so that it feels like I have company and I still cant fathom the theory of stacks in a cupboard…Arre yaar if I gotta get a thing at the base of that stack..then any law pf physics, dynamics, force cant stop the damn stack to fall down…not my fault….

In all these years of aging where I haven’t shown any progress in intelligence…My folks couldnt even trust me for getting all by myself to home and they never ever sent me alone to my hostel or risk m coming back alone….now that brings sharp memories of my only ever alone bus journey back home....they were so frantic and nervous....as if I was going to cross the Pakistan border illegally…. by bribing the border forces….or going straight to interview osama bin laden….

i was given instructions like don’t get down from the bus, don’t go into deep slumber, don’t take anything including candies cookies, chocolates or fruits from any stranger, don’t take ur hand out of the bus. Window and don’t stand on the door of the moving bus..like u do in trains….actually lemme confess i have a habit of falling sleep at times during my journeys and then...comes the stupidest part....people have stage fear, water fear, height fear,weight fear, ankita fear (that one was made solely to emphasize my point) but guess what....i have this sleeping fear while travelling...bcoz if i fall asleep then my head would loll on in any direction it pleases and if thats not enough...i have this strange fear of my mouth dropping open and worst ....drooling....man that is so pathetic to even think of....

now to get rid of this fear for atleast that memorable journey i asked all my friends to keep giving me missd calls...throughout the way (sab ke sab kanjoos nikle yaar..no one messaged me..or called me..but they only gave me missed calls as i had said) so that i may not fall asleep and scare my padosi passenger…

well apart from that i was all set and reached the bus station safely....and then my bus hunt started...well and lasted for about half an hour..hopping from one bus to another..the ac bus wasnt going for other 4 hours and then there was this fleet of non ac's .....bhaiyya student jeevan isi ko kehte hain...kasht saho aur sahte raho..if you succeed in the end sab tumhara example quote karenge apne chunnu munnu ko...and u will be the next children idol...

like:

PAPA: dekha pados ke sssssss saab ke beti ko ..kahan kahan normal bus ke dhakke khaye us bacchi ne par today she is going abroad ...kuch seekho..main keh deta hoon..ye ped pe baithi chidiya ke ande jaise marks laane se kuch nai hone waala hai...kuch seekho.

.

chintu: (under his breath cursing ye kaun beti hain yaar...unke papa ko bhi humare hi papa ke office mein hona tha..kya yaar....) nai nai u r mistaken....chintu kuch nai kahega...are bhai humari india mein gusse waale papa ko retort karna is a sin...

and if you dont make it ( i meant fail but it sounded very disparaging so i used a mild expression) then u will be forgotten like the prince...now ask me who prince is...well wahi jise last year...maybe usse bhi last year tubewell ...err...borewell se nikala tha yaar..)

anyways..coming back to my eventful yatra...i finally picked up a bus after i got tired of lugging my luggage on 10-15 buses and taking my mum's call every 10 minutes....for 50 times in between..now this bus was going to move in another 15 minutes....btu unfortunately this bus dint budge until all the aas paas ki buses had left reason being driver kho gaya tha ya maybe so gaya tha..who cares....but after a massive search he came back and then a heavy uncle came and took the seat next to me....darn..i had been expecting someone better....abhi hrithink naa sahi toh kam se kam..i was expecting someone decent as karan grover....(dil mil gaye waala....)

as the bus started...and we finally made a move...the ordered missed calls started pouring in..some with reliance ka cell also made occassional 10 paise waala message..as to where i was and how i was....paying the ticket was a pain again..i could hardly hear with my feeble ears the amount and the engines noise with the horn was defeaning me...the conductor had to shout his lungs out and half of the bus joined him in chorus to tell me the amount....

anyways i was awake and that was more than a reason to celebrate..now my mum was terrified that i might oversleep or maybe i get down to get mirinda and someone runs away with my bori bistara....

main toh nai par mere padosi uncle fell asleep...now babies look far more cuter while sleeping..than he did and specially his head precariously hanging in the air..to fall on wither side...when i had no options..i simply..spilled water on his pants..and he got up never to sleep again....

well after few stops he got down and also made girl sit next to me....(sweet naa...or maybe too terrified to make another uncle fall prey to my antics)

well the girl was sweet seedhi sadi, sushil kanya from a small township....now as she was so amused by the constant vibrating cell..she hit off with conversation and then she told me her life history …that she had come to that place to meet her prospective groom's family who was a business man..i was like stunned...she dint look very old to get married and i started off with my big naari freedom theory...and asked her age but she wasnt sure..and the i blasted with my pravachans...about how she should protest this and shudnt get married and also when she hasn’t even met her groom and how undependable he would be as he was a business man and how she should study and get dependable before settling down and what serious consequences could follow and million ways in which she could be fooled, duped, cheated, divorced, and abandoned....and how she should get her freedom, get to know the guy better and zillion ways how she should go about it...in the end she was more than convinced that she was going to throw up all this marriage proposal thing and should be a free n independent woman...

Well wasnt i proud of myself ?..but also happy that in case my farzineer degree wouldn’t seek me any decent job then the doors of 'Abla - Naari Shakti Morcha Niketans (Women empowerment) will always be open for me..i could mention this one as an active experience...to impress them....one way of income secured....yippee…

she was profusely thanking me by the end of the journey and was a completely transformed and confident girl by the time she got off the bus....

bravo me...!!

i never came to know whether she complied with my POA (plan of action) or was brainwashed later..but it was worth it and kept me from sleeping...agar maine ek ladki ki bhi zindagi bacha li then man..its worth a memorable journey..hann and main apne samman ke saath safely ghar bhi land kar gayi....and meri mum ne mere liye aisa kuch special nai banaya tha as she had a meeting that day...and came late...arre bhai ye sab luxuries to ghar ke bade bachhon ko hi naseeb hoti hain..hum jaison ko kahan...well she also lectured me on how i always got indiegstion and acidity due to 'good food' intolerance after i returned from hostel...well when my sis used to get back frm hers she always had this feisty meal..n my mum used to stand in the garden whole day long with the garland ...now i dont know ki she deliberately came in on weekends or just a co incidence..waise bhi mummy log bade bachchon ke liye toh bahut craze se karti hain as it is first time...and the enthru is there...like the jaya bahaduri of 'Kabhi khushi kabhi gham'..bechare choton ka number toh aane tak they are like tired and just want to get over with it...redundancy..ki best definition yahi hai...

anyways forget it..well i hope that girl took my advice and is happily unmarried somewhere today....

but i know seeing me going into the international airport with all my 23kgs.+ luggage....my folks are gonna be real worried about me..even if they dont say it...i can see it on their faces abhi se hi...hope i am able to re inforce the faith in them till then ki i can manage things on my own n I have grown up..n whats more importamt I hope they start to trust me and listen to what I actually say n take me seriously....god bless them….