Matters of Life and Death....

Life and death have nearly always mystified and stupefied me…and I still think that I don’t exactly understand these 2 things completely…when I was young I always thought that death is a very very ominous word and even worse thing but I could never understand its full implications..i used to see people carrying a corpse or cremation at the distant cremation grounds which was on the roadside nearby…I used to feel goosebumps on my arms then and I saw people weeping uncontrollably..and all shatterd and destroyed…I felt real upset for them….and used to cling to my dad even more…..but it was just that for me.. when my grandpa passed away..we went there for his last rites and found everyone telling us kids not to snigger or smile in there and remain calm and quite..well that was the first shock..i mean though small we were but we atleast knew this..didn’t we?

I had this younger cousin who used to tell us about her past life when she was such a small kid…and she used to talk like a complete grown up at an age when children are not even able to speak out their name without prattling….we all were stunned..she told us everything about her house in Dehra Dun to her sons, daughter-in-law..whom she supposedly did’nt like much..her grandsons whom she loved dearly..her room location, her personal box and then her cause of death which was due to a car accident while going from dehra dun to mussorie…as the car lost control and fell off the cliff…

This further added to my disillusioned perceptions….and I was left pondering over all this…I was then too young to fathom the reincarnation theory..but I had my take on that too.in my own way

I used to wonder seriously about my previous lifetimes…I was always fantasized to listen to such stories..and even more when I saw one right in our family….i wanted to know about my previous lifetime and my family, my home, my cause of death

I truly used to think that when I will die in this birth I will write everything about my personal life on a piece of a paper and then clutch it tightly in my hand and I would still have it in my next birth…and so I would also know about this lifetime in the next…and how exciting that would be..but I had this critical mind to take care of the hurdles in the way..and that was to first create an inflammable paper. Which could survive everything…

Now I feel how silly I really was…and laugh at myself everytime I am reminded of this…

Now as I grew up my worries took an absolutely different turn..and I started to worry that if I die in between then I would have to start studying right from the very scratch and that wasn’t such a pleasant idea..i mean c’mon..we spend more than half of our live…nearly 25-28 years of life studying hard in order to enjoy our lives in future..and then comes the job part which is even more tedious…and less enjoyment..and then the family..even busier and then finally we get some time free in our old age..when we have lots of money….but we don’t have the right kind of heath to enjoy life nor the right kind of teeth left to enjoy all kinds of food…and that’s assuming you stay out of the deadly diseases like diabetes and cholesterol hi/lo BP etc….

But seriously I used to worry about it a lot…about possible ways to preserve my knowledge and brain..it is so sad that we have to start from a scratch…all over again…from A..B…C…D….and 1…2….3….4…. that’s really sad..

You wont believe that when my GRE exam headed near…I was so scared and protective concerning my head..i even wanted to wear a helmet while at my home to prevent any head injuries..major or minor..because I used to wonder that just in case if I got a head injury and I had amnesia..meri saari mehnat pe paani fir jaayega ….because all my GRE wordlist was in there which had taken months of hard work to memorize..and ratofy would go blank in one sec. ….i couldn’t bear to think about it…but thank god I stayed safe till the D-day…..

Coming back to my death and life story…well I believe that lucky ali’s song maut from kaante is kinda clear description of this unique phenomenon…

There is another world out there and its even more beautiful and free than it is in here….i dont fear death like many others who do anything to stay away from it….i know when it would come I would welcome it but I just look forward to a peaceful one atleast..not much khoon kharaba…I don’t want to die under a truck/bus/train..thats not really that peaceful and I don’t even want to be any kind of responsibility or liability on anyone..i just want to go away before I get bed ridden…but this doesn’t mean that I am looking forward to it right tomorrow..i want to live abhi filhaal ye VRS scheme is not for me….i believe that death can be very liberating..people who have near death exp. Tell fascinating stories about the world beyond this physical world….it must feel so good to shed all your weight…and the all the baggage of guilt, pain, feelings, everything and floating away to infinity…

I wonder how people cling to their lives dearly..they keep on collecting wealth until it becomes filth..i believe one should have sufficient but not excess…I still wonder what do Tata and Ambani’s do with so much of money….hmphhh..

Always screws me up…is a private jet for a gift makes you that happy than one’s one handmade handkerchief or card..which has so much love gone into its making …I fail to understand how people (for instance the govt. officials) can buy things for their family which they earn by swindling the poor and burning big holes in the pockets of the needy....do they get to have a peaceful night sleep ?..or do they have nightmares?…do they ever feel more contented than a 9 to 5 job waala hard working middle class people? Try helping a poor sometime and you’d know which content feeling I am talking of…..

Don’t they realize that we all have to leave one day and then all this wealth is useless…and all these misdeeds will have to be paid for….we wouldn’t take a single penny out of here…just our soul..but how people stay so ignorant and instead of enriching their soul they enrich and nourish their bank accounts which would be no good….one day….

Its such a simple fact but not many people realize it….its funny..how people can act so silly….life is to enjoy and to learn…now this doesn’t meant that we don’t study and just fool around..but enjoy in other ways..gathering knowledge is also a part of the wisdom acquiring process….which none can escape and even if u want to I m sure your parents wont let u do it…

But what saddens me is to see the weeping relatives, shattered family..wise people say that soul llives on its like leaving a taxi at this turning and taking a new one at the other one..the passenger remains the same..and we should not be sad because..its all in the karma…and that the soul goes up and takes care of us like a guardian angel….so if one is liberated then we should just think that he has been liberated and now he’s in peace..or maybe already in the form of a child somewhere playing in some mother’s caressing arms..and must have brought so much happiness in someone’s lives so as to brighten it up…

Birth and death are such opposites..but they are opposites because we build relation on this earth and acquire greed too…we have our liabilities and we leave them in between..infact we hardly get to live our life our way…

We come into this world because someone else sends us…we grow up as per our folks want us to..we live as per the norms of this society…which teaches us everything from love to hatred, honesty, modesty, gratitude, selflessness to be wicked, mean, haughty, arrogant, malice ….and we die may or maybe not as per our wish…where does this I fit in…its always others..guiding us….often our behavior is dictated by others too…and not by our whims…

So its but obvious for our loved ones to be upset…when one leave in between…leaving us with nothing but a void and pain to the height of numbness...

Dr. Brian Weiss’s tells us about life after death and re incarnation too in a very profound way…well lemme tell you…I believe in re incarnation, and karma and everything that may sound weird to majority people…he tells us that all our near and dear ones in this lifetime have the roots of our relation ..love or hatred in our previous lifetimes ..its like..my folks may have been my folks in previous lifetimes too..or maybe my best friend and I were sisters ….we never know…but that simply means that love stays and doesn’t die with us…we feel connected to out loved ones over many lifetimes and a group of souls re-incarnate everytime….if we start to think in this way then we would start to love them even more and stop fearing death..because this powerful demon called death is only capable of taking away our material possessions and physical body…nothing else from our heart….the love stays and grows and the bonding gets deeper everytime…even death cant destroy it…and its so sad that this love is hardly found alive in this world in present times….that too selfless love…so I guess we should try n spread love and cheer…coz that is the only thing here to stay…

It sounds so enchanting and mysterious at the same time…we spent years to nurture everything in our life..love relations, hopes, career and then in just a flip of an eyelid we are gone..and this thin line is crossed….and that weak thread is snapped and we are nothing but a clear soul remains of our whole being nurtured so carefully over so many years..its so strange yet….true…and we are scared of that momentary..pain in between..of leaving our loved ones all alone..when we wont even feel any pain, sadness as we waft up in the air to start afresh….but then life goes on….

I believe that its more important to live today…I always wake up and say thanx to god ..i confess my love to my parents and friends and tell them through gestures how much I care…because maybe tomorrow is too late…I try and cheer up the people around me and share their sorrows…I keep my temper in control and spread cheer wherever I go I like to see smiling happy faces around me…I aim for new skies everytime and head towards it with full focus and effort…and then aspire for higher skies…i dream a lot ….i don’t want to regret for anything tomorrow on my deathbed…(that’s in case I get to have one)....that I dint do a certain thing..so I live for today…and try to tell others the same too…

Kaun jaane..kal ho naa ho…ye original line hai ..trust me…it’s just a co-incidence that it’s a movie as well….

Feeling confused and nostalgic....

this bus with the tag line goes so well with my post.....waise this road which leads to freedom is not for me but for someone else..if u want to know whom.then read this blog to the last...if u can bear the torture..or else stay ignorant for ever....

I love thinking…not because i m some great philospher or poet but because i have all the time in the world to do it these days....and that’s what I have been doing so liberally lately..so hmmmmm…hmmm…err.... there I go again…wake up girl....u r in the middle of blog writing…

I have been at the bottom of the scale measuring the social life of anyone…measuring in negative….so all I do is to think…I just want to go and get busy…so something worthwhile…and as soon as this thought hits me…I start wondering about the day when I will leave..and it confuses my feelings right that moment…everyone loves their home and the very thought of leaving your safe have does stir up a lot many apprehensions and thoughts in one’s mind…so far…all by myself..abhi toh mere ko theek se raaste bhi yaad rakhne padenge yaar…that would be occupying another good fraction of my already used and exhausted brain…

I m definitely looking forward to my new life in an entirely different part of the world which I am so used to live in and so enconsed in too…

but then as my mum says..no one acheived anything big while sticking around one's house....

so dude..i gotta go and though i am ambivalent and happy and confused and a little nostalgic abhi se hi but i am all the more worried about my folks..though i have stayed in hostel for four long long years and i have grown up a lot..but mere pa-ma still think of me as their little girl who used to sleep in bathroom on the floor when made to stand to brush her teeth, who never learnt to tie her laces properly, who was always late for her school tempo, ricky and who has been the biggest hurdle in their jobs as she was such a cry baby....who sucked her thumb god knows till when, who played with barbies under the dining table with her frends included (space management).... played hide n seek wearing those payals and as always got caught...and never quite understood why? And not to forget still maarofies thenice cool pens that they get in conference folders and bags…including the last week pen and all the nice folders in dad’s bag…

They just cant accept that i have grown up..finally..though dimagi taur pe thodi si imbecility ke signs hain par keeping this apart from that she has grown up....trust me mummy...

though my culinary skills are as good as it was in class sixth (that means nothing ..nai nai..not even tea n maggi), though i still think ki woh toffees mummy nai santa clause rakhte the....though i am still not a big fan of those aunties who talk in their shrill voices and pull you cheeks in sinister pleasure as if they were made of infinite elastic...saying" arre kitni badi ho gayi hai" even if they met you after a gap of 2 months....

though i still love to irritate everyone….including my parodies on di and i still put salt in teas 'by mistake' when i dont c any guests getting me chocolates ...i still ravage the bags of pa, di and mummy when they return from any trip to anywhere from london to jharkhand for hiddes surprises and gifts though they may be few and far between....and I still love to keep my things scattered on my bed so that it feels like I have company and I still cant fathom the theory of stacks in a cupboard…Arre yaar if I gotta get a thing at the base of that stack..then any law pf physics, dynamics, force cant stop the damn stack to fall down…not my fault….

In all these years of aging where I haven’t shown any progress in intelligence…My folks couldnt even trust me for getting all by myself to home and they never ever sent me alone to my hostel or risk m coming back alone….now that brings sharp memories of my only ever alone bus journey back home....they were so frantic and nervous....as if I was going to cross the Pakistan border illegally…. by bribing the border forces….or going straight to interview osama bin laden….

i was given instructions like don’t get down from the bus, don’t go into deep slumber, don’t take anything including candies cookies, chocolates or fruits from any stranger, don’t take ur hand out of the bus. Window and don’t stand on the door of the moving bus..like u do in trains….actually lemme confess i have a habit of falling sleep at times during my journeys and then...comes the stupidest part....people have stage fear, water fear, height fear,weight fear, ankita fear (that one was made solely to emphasize my point) but guess what....i have this sleeping fear while travelling...bcoz if i fall asleep then my head would loll on in any direction it pleases and if thats not enough...i have this strange fear of my mouth dropping open and worst ....drooling....man that is so pathetic to even think of....

now to get rid of this fear for atleast that memorable journey i asked all my friends to keep giving me missd calls...throughout the way (sab ke sab kanjoos nikle yaar..no one messaged me..or called me..but they only gave me missed calls as i had said) so that i may not fall asleep and scare my padosi passenger…

well apart from that i was all set and reached the bus station safely....and then my bus hunt started...well and lasted for about half an hour..hopping from one bus to another..the ac bus wasnt going for other 4 hours and then there was this fleet of non ac's .....bhaiyya student jeevan isi ko kehte hain...kasht saho aur sahte raho..if you succeed in the end sab tumhara example quote karenge apne chunnu munnu ko...and u will be the next children idol...

like:

PAPA: dekha pados ke sssssss saab ke beti ko ..kahan kahan normal bus ke dhakke khaye us bacchi ne par today she is going abroad ...kuch seekho..main keh deta hoon..ye ped pe baithi chidiya ke ande jaise marks laane se kuch nai hone waala hai...kuch seekho.

.

chintu: (under his breath cursing ye kaun beti hain yaar...unke papa ko bhi humare hi papa ke office mein hona tha..kya yaar....) nai nai u r mistaken....chintu kuch nai kahega...are bhai humari india mein gusse waale papa ko retort karna is a sin...

and if you dont make it ( i meant fail but it sounded very disparaging so i used a mild expression) then u will be forgotten like the prince...now ask me who prince is...well wahi jise last year...maybe usse bhi last year tubewell ...err...borewell se nikala tha yaar..)

anyways..coming back to my eventful yatra...i finally picked up a bus after i got tired of lugging my luggage on 10-15 buses and taking my mum's call every 10 minutes....for 50 times in between..now this bus was going to move in another 15 minutes....btu unfortunately this bus dint budge until all the aas paas ki buses had left reason being driver kho gaya tha ya maybe so gaya tha..who cares....but after a massive search he came back and then a heavy uncle came and took the seat next to me....darn..i had been expecting someone better....abhi hrithink naa sahi toh kam se kam..i was expecting someone decent as karan grover....(dil mil gaye waala....)

as the bus started...and we finally made a move...the ordered missed calls started pouring in..some with reliance ka cell also made occassional 10 paise waala message..as to where i was and how i was....paying the ticket was a pain again..i could hardly hear with my feeble ears the amount and the engines noise with the horn was defeaning me...the conductor had to shout his lungs out and half of the bus joined him in chorus to tell me the amount....

anyways i was awake and that was more than a reason to celebrate..now my mum was terrified that i might oversleep or maybe i get down to get mirinda and someone runs away with my bori bistara....

main toh nai par mere padosi uncle fell asleep...now babies look far more cuter while sleeping..than he did and specially his head precariously hanging in the air..to fall on wither side...when i had no options..i simply..spilled water on his pants..and he got up never to sleep again....

well after few stops he got down and also made girl sit next to me....(sweet naa...or maybe too terrified to make another uncle fall prey to my antics)

well the girl was sweet seedhi sadi, sushil kanya from a small township....now as she was so amused by the constant vibrating cell..she hit off with conversation and then she told me her life history …that she had come to that place to meet her prospective groom's family who was a business man..i was like stunned...she dint look very old to get married and i started off with my big naari freedom theory...and asked her age but she wasnt sure..and the i blasted with my pravachans...about how she should protest this and shudnt get married and also when she hasn’t even met her groom and how undependable he would be as he was a business man and how she should study and get dependable before settling down and what serious consequences could follow and million ways in which she could be fooled, duped, cheated, divorced, and abandoned....and how she should get her freedom, get to know the guy better and zillion ways how she should go about it...in the end she was more than convinced that she was going to throw up all this marriage proposal thing and should be a free n independent woman...

Well wasnt i proud of myself ?..but also happy that in case my farzineer degree wouldn’t seek me any decent job then the doors of 'Abla - Naari Shakti Morcha Niketans (Women empowerment) will always be open for me..i could mention this one as an active experience...to impress them....one way of income secured....yippee…

she was profusely thanking me by the end of the journey and was a completely transformed and confident girl by the time she got off the bus....

bravo me...!!

i never came to know whether she complied with my POA (plan of action) or was brainwashed later..but it was worth it and kept me from sleeping...agar maine ek ladki ki bhi zindagi bacha li then man..its worth a memorable journey..hann and main apne samman ke saath safely ghar bhi land kar gayi....and meri mum ne mere liye aisa kuch special nai banaya tha as she had a meeting that day...and came late...arre bhai ye sab luxuries to ghar ke bade bachhon ko hi naseeb hoti hain..hum jaison ko kahan...well she also lectured me on how i always got indiegstion and acidity due to 'good food' intolerance after i returned from hostel...well when my sis used to get back frm hers she always had this feisty meal..n my mum used to stand in the garden whole day long with the garland ...now i dont know ki she deliberately came in on weekends or just a co incidence..waise bhi mummy log bade bachchon ke liye toh bahut craze se karti hain as it is first time...and the enthru is there...like the jaya bahaduri of 'Kabhi khushi kabhi gham'..bechare choton ka number toh aane tak they are like tired and just want to get over with it...redundancy..ki best definition yahi hai...

anyways forget it..well i hope that girl took my advice and is happily unmarried somewhere today....

but i know seeing me going into the international airport with all my 23kgs.+ luggage....my folks are gonna be real worried about me..even if they dont say it...i can see it on their faces abhi se hi...hope i am able to re inforce the faith in them till then ki i can manage things on my own n I have grown up..n whats more importamt I hope they start to trust me and listen to what I actually say n take me seriously....god bless them….

To trust or not to Trust...= To Love or not to Love...

“Don’t trust anyone”

Know something ? I get to hear this phrase more often than my own name these days..is it that the whole generation is turning into a big time misanthropist or is it just me and the people around me..is there anyone in this world who has not been touched by deceit, betrayal at any stage in his/her life..it might be easier to make sunny deol dance like hrithik than find someone like this….

But I wanna say something on this ‘trust’. I think ki we don’t trust or mistrust anyone deliberately..but after a certain point of time when we come close in any relation. We sub consciously place our trust on that person and we still think that we don’t trust him and we don’t even expect anything of him/her and even if they back stab us tomorrow we wont mind it at all…because we don’t trust him/her..but come to think of it..its a total lie and it will never happen..bcoz trust and faith come free with this package of love ...and no one can help it...

If there is any amount of truthfulness and love in that relation..there will be trust and then there would be an ever boring expectation even if it is a simple one that of the love in return…..and come what may it will hurt to be betrayed…..whenever we are betrayed we feel that pain down there…its just that some people accept it and others keep on hiding it under the shadow of their so called practical nature and insensitive heart…..but somewhere deep down they are pained and scarred and bleeding….and this is even sadder part….because they would never bring out the hurt even it pains like hell and their emotions go dry for everyone..we never forget anyone who hurts us... do we ?

no we don’t….we get to live by it or maybe forget it after a passage of time but we never forget anyone deep down…betrayal gives us a pain that none of us can ever recover from…

Try to sit for a moment and recall all those who have hurt you in your life and then see how many of them have you forgiven in the true sense…means ki do u feel pained and dislike them even today?

Trust is like a silent butterfly which comes and sits on the shoulder of love and care wherever it finds one and spreads its colorful wings and rests in peace and also gives joy to the people involved and they discover a whole new world of friendship, love, trust and many other such beautiful feelings in a very rosy picture painted infront of their eyes…

And then one day the other person silently goes out and grabs the butterfly’s wings so hard that they are powdered and crushed….and yet it may survive it dies a slow and painful death…Pain is a slow process it kills u just as a dying tree loses its every leaf..and just as that butterfly would never be able to fly ever again…the betrayed person would never recover from the shock and pain completely….

Even I have seen it..everytime I meet anyone new or go to a new place..i am reminded of my old pain and agony at the hands of others and then I try to determine myself not to get to close to anyone or to let anyone come dangerously close to me..so that later I don’t have to really feel bad about anything….but like always..i create my boundaries but they are trampled upon and then people just come in and then one day they leave just as they had come but this time they don’t trample the boundary but one more me….and they kill many more feelings within me…its an unending process.which would never stop and I too have thrown up my hands…I cant stop being good to people just because I have been stabbed by few losers in my life…

Though I am very bad at forgiving things and people..but I do try my best….if everyone in this world is so fake then why did god send us down here at all..to experience the hurt and pain.and learn what?

I recall the words from ‘Many masters, Many lives’ by Dr. Brian Weiss …in which he treats a girl by the way of past life regression therapy and she tells him about one her previous lives….out of the 82 lives she had lived till then and she says that she is meant to learn a lesson everytime god sends her on earth and in that life..she says that the lesson was to be more forgiving ..she never forgot any wrong done to her and she always carried grudges close to her heart and never let go of them and she wasn’t forgiving..which she should have been and hence she would keep taking births until she learns that…

I see myself standing in her shoes …..

What a wonderful way to teach lessons to your own kids….god tussi great ho jee…

Everywhere I look..i see people with broken hearts, betrayed in life..for trust, money, faith, love…., people losing their loved ones, people living in such drudgery that they even have forgotten that they are still alive…people ravaged by others misdeeds. Old age homes, orphanages, people who are mentally or physically challenged….

But then I also see a mother sitting on a railway platform holding her child close to her heart to keep her warm in bone chilling cold, looking contentedly with a warm glow on her poverty stricken face at her child sitting happily munching parle-g biscuits unaware of anyone around or any pain or tear..any fear or happiness..in his own world….I see a father holding the tiny hand of his daughter and crossing the road..keeping her on the safer side….i see a son pulling the wheel chair of her physically challenged n paralyzed father....i see a poor old hag sitting and fanning at her popcorn cart…all day long…to earn some money to buy medicines for her ailing husband….

I see all this ..the pain on their faces and the tears that have dried up in their eyes..but I also see the implicit faith and unmeasurable love they have in their heart…for their loved ones….this is something that we all cant see….and we choose to go blind at this point…..

We need to see into their heart a little more…to learn the basic lessons of humanity from them..that we have lost and forgotten somewhere..we all have become so hardened inside that we are unable to feel anything …our minds have started working like robots and we just don’t trust anyone…everyone has faced betrayal once in their lives and have been hurt to the extent that they may have lost their faith but what we actually need to learn is that we are not going to take any of this feelings, friends, foes, any good or bad deed along with us..not even the memories and none of this belongs to us…take it as if we all are simply students of a big class with a huge strength and we have come to this world school to learn our lessons… our parents pack our bags with all the good teachings, traditions and goodwill…..and a bottle of elixir of their love and support that we need to take in when we feel alone and weak…then we move out and get to meet so many people..see a new world…but nothing of this is ours…they are just like medium of teaching us the right way, conduct and lessons..and if some of them will teach us love, care, concern, emotions..then some of them will surely tell us about..corruption, mistrust…hopelessness, darkness….its upto us how we mould ourselves and fare in our life’s exam…whether we learn to draw the line between good or bad….we came alone and in the form of a free, transparent and pure spirit and we will go one day just like that….so better that we travel light and carry no baggage of guilt, hatred, shame, loathing when we go back….

But for all this we need to develop a impartial view and forgive those who have wronged us..and keep our faith and trust people..give them a chance…

As I am writing this post..the ‘heart beat’ theme of kal ho naa ho is serenading into my ears and I feel its so perfect and goes so well with my feelings….it is a heartbeat..that brought us into this world and one day it will only take us away…but it will depend on us..what our heart is full of at that moment….

Better be something better than hatred, mistrustfulness, impassive, insensitive heart….we need to trust..forgive and learn our lessons before the bell goes off and we all have to leave for our abode…trust me if we fail in this life exam we have to come back to give the papers again maybe in the other life….so try to trust my friend…and spread cheer, hope and laughter all the way….that's the only way to feel good….

Look within yourself often and try to decipher what your heart is saying to you..let its voice not be muffled by the voices of people around you….look within for that warmth and glow and happiness you have been seeking and you will be content all your life…..

A fantasy or an escape…

Whoa! looking at the topic I really feel how far I have come in terms of thinking logically and profoundly…I have finally achieved the feat which people with only white beards and grey hair can really achieve…well jokes apart….i really wanted to type something as I am sitting in the train looking out at the beauty of nature and looking at the rainbow in the sky….needless to say that it is beautiful…now as it is my fast today so I m not taking anything to eat anything means anything that is being served in the train…L but I still think that I should rather make some really good use of my time here instead of casting my evil eye on the co-passengers scavenging their way into the plates...

As I have been looking out of the train window as I always grab the window seat…without fail…well I noticed one thing which I have been observing since quite a long time….i see so many people coming out of their houses, children stopping their game, oldies peeping out of their windows or the youth coming out on their terrace suspending all their present activities to look at the passing train…and as I see this it makes me wonder why is everyone so fascinated by this moving thing called train….

I mean what could be so important to see that you leave your morning sleep, your impending nature calling plans, leaving your tooth brushing and coming out on your balcony to peep out at the passing train…I have always wondered about it but could never fathom the reasons behind all this..and even one more thing that whether this happens only in India or maybe abroad too….

Well there could be different reasons attributed to it..

Somehow I don’t completely blame the onlookers for it because back in my college days I used to turn back every time craning my neck to look at the blue train that used to pass behind our department….it was strange but I had my reasons…we were like a bunch of birdies stuck up in our hostel when we really wanted to go back to the comfort of our houses and looking at the trains I used tot think of the people inside it…some of them traveling away from home for some studies or job away from their loved ones and maybe never to return again, some of them going to visit some family function or maybe after that too….taking the wonderful memories back with them forever, there might have been some army people in them going to or away from their families for us, some of them were going to meet their families and lovers after a long hiatus and it was as if standing so far from the train I could literally feel their joy and excitement brimming over….and I could sense it in the air…

And suddenly all these feelings surging within me transformed that blue train into a moving cargo of emotions and feelings exuding love, affection, care, memories and hopes all of a sudden which could not be contained therein ...it was strange.. but it bestowed a different kind of warmth and wisdom..so it was not only a train for me atleast...
but then I always think in a very animated and different way and I really don’t think someone else will ever even understand me and my weird thoughts…

When I sit in a train..and I see so many onlookers staring at the train to somehow get a glimpse of the compartment within I always have a myriad of feelings rushing through the inner self and before I can register all of them they vanish and then my thoughts drift to something completely different…

well for some of the onlookers it is the scary realization of their financial incapability and that they would never be able to enjoy the comfort of these luxury compartments in their entire lives..for others it might be just a simple way of experiencing the child within and for the rest maybe a chance to let the weird thoughts flow...

some of them just might be wondering about the silly things I used to think about while looking at the train….we have this fascination with the packet of emotions and maybe we only look for escapes from our realities…when I used to feel trapped in my hostel away from my home I and my friends used to wonder that there are such lucky people traveling that train who are so free and lucky to be going to the warmth of their families and their siblings and here we are..sweating it out for the next surprise biochemistry test….

I cant say anything for sure till date but I guess maybe we all want some excuse to get away from our realities and a train is the most common and mundane thing that we get to see, feel and experience everyday or maybe its our fascination with the cute little blue train which moves slithering through miles and taking people to their destinations….

Whatever the reason might be but trains will always remain to be one of my favorite fascination..however old I may grow up to be ..i will still suspend my present activity and crane my neck and strain my eyes to experience the joy and pain of seeing a train pass by….whistling its way into people’s life letting them feel the strange feelings of the passengers within and trying to connect with strange emotions for a fleeting moment….but for the time being i think it is best to keep that child within all of us alive and kicking....