beliefs or something like it!

Recently many of my beliefs and notions in life have undergone a serious makeover and without me intervening in them much, I have no idea if they are for good or bad, but they are there and I cant deny them. It forces me to think that everyone keeps on trying to firgure our other people their entire life, when we know so little about themselves. Including me in that list now. I have been living in my beliefs created and directed by me and now when i sit n reflect, i somehow cant justify them, and especially when someone says them aloud then it gets more suffocating, in a hurry to understand your own feelings, you try to justify it to yourselves and convince yourself, but all in vain.
I have been wondering about these things regarding religion and caste for a long time. Though i dont call myself a devout religiously person, as I only pray to a certain god whom i really have faith in and that too when i used to fast for him on mondays. I have been doing it for over 2 years now, but i suddenly gave it up, due to many reasons, I have been trying to somehow prove that god is nearer to me when i fast for him. But is it true? Does god ask me to starve and prove my devotion? doesnt he want me to be happy and having a good meal, and then be true to myself and be pure at heart? he doesnt want me to prove it to him, how much i believe in him.
I always had questions which were never answered, is it justified to look for a rationale in everything in life ? cant something be just like what they are? and never be questioned, its the same as in the matters of heart and mind. There always have been questions haunting my mind about stuff to which i could never find answers.
Well one of my close friend whose aunt passes away because of cancer, she did not want to die, she had kids and the day she learnt she had cancer, she cried for help but..my friend was in a miserable shape, she said somethings that day that force me to think and re question myself and my faith. I have certainly blind faith in God..or that superpower that exists somewhere and we all know he does, some of us just dont acknowledge his presence. She has'nt been talking to God and she says that there is no god, maybe there is no superpower, we just believe in ourselves and when we keep on saying the prayers somewhere deep down we are re enforcing the positivity to make the thing we so dearly want a total success, that positive energy fills us with the will to do and achieve anything in the world, as the line in the Alchemist goes, when we really and truly want something, the whole universe conspires to make us achieve that. it is a beautiful line and the more and more i read it the more and more i believe in it. I dont know as yet, whether there is any superpower or not, maybe the belief in ourselves is the name of the god.when we really want something real bad we just keep on repeating it to ourselves again and again and that makes us believe in the strength of our own dreams and desires and hence we exert ourselves and thus we end up achieving what we actually want in life. it works like that. there is no god it is within us the power to create, to destroy, to lose and to achieve. She put it in such simple terms that i was surprised too. is it all that simple, can we explain the existence of god in these simple temrs. Maybe she was right. I so want to believe her but i cant. I still think that there is a superpower somewhere that is looking out for us all. I know atleast in my case it is. it always has been.
Our lives are nothing but just a simple series of fortunate and unfortunate accidents that leads us to our destinies which is already decided by someone or amybe not. And we have to reach that finishing line, and when we really want something too bad, the universe actually does conspire secretly to bring it closer to us so that we can acheive it someday. this all is true. If we can have blind faith in that power or the gaurdian angel then we can somehow learn to trust the people in the world his creations. how else would we ever trust anything or anyone without touching or seeing them. it would be so hard. Religion has no fixed definition, it is even foolish the way people have divided the world into tiny factions and they fight over it too. When no one has ever seen their Gods, a crowd of people having blind faith go on a rampage and killing innocents. It is way easier to explain the presence or the trust in that power than actually explaining this craziness in people, so i wont even try.
We have never seen God, no one has ever seen one, and everyone asks me how can they believe in something that they have never seen, touched or felt. But I think I can feel his presence around me when I am sad, and that is why i want to believe in him. Due to my crazy schedule i could not continue fasting for him, and also because I think that If i love him so much and believe in him then I should be happy and eat properly on his day. He never asked me to stay hungry to prove my devotions towards him. if my heart is pure and if I am true in the core then he will get the vibes wherever he is, or maybe nowhere at all. But this idea of a superpower looking over us and helping us in anything we want as has always happened, is just too fascinating for me and I somehow want to believe in it in all possibilities. I may not fast for him, but i can never let go of my beliefs. It is weird how some people keep on seeking the proof of his presence, how they want a evidence for everything before actually believing in something, when they themselves dont know what they are looking for. I recently paid a visit to Gurudwara in States and I was surprised and happy to see how deeply ingrained the religion was amongst 4 and 10 year old sikh kids. It was a beautiful sight to see them act like any other older sikh follower. they were so disciplined helping with the people organizing 'langar' and serving them. This is what binds them together, the principles that would remain etched somewhere in their hearts when they grow up. Religion is only a way to bring some faith into our hearts, to discipline us to some extents and to give us all an identity. a way to believe in the positive force that drives the world.
But as i said again i will not question anyone's faith here. It is about me and something i want or dont want to believe in and then i choose to keep my blind faith in him as always till the last day, and the rest of the world can keep on questioning thier own beliefs or fight over it just to act foolishly. i don't actually care.