I am listening to the song 'reason, by Hoobastank and it makes me wonder about perfect person theory we use so frequently in our daily life.....it is a beautiful track provided you really ignore the video..which couldn't be more unrelated....
I dont know what they say when they say love is blind but I do know that being in love must be the best feeling on this earth...it helps you meet yourself..to know yourself better, to think for a change, to recognize your true self as we never know how capable we are of giving out love for anyone till you meet your mr/ms perfect...it must be a great feeling..with stars in your eyes and dreams in the daytime...waiting up for someone..just so that you could fight with him when he comes late and then try to show your anger at him....that you are so damn angry but somewhere you are not and you were so sick worrying about what might have caused the delay....looking into his eyes and then looking for some love for yourself when they might be overflowing with feelings for you.....people always say that it is so hard to judge people in this world....even by looking at their faces and but think for a sec ..is it? well i think it is not hard to see the love in someone eyes that is just meant for you....i have never been in true love kinda thing but people say as if i have been married a thousand times..to understand the subtleties of human nature, and the implications of love and liking...but i always wonder..how can you not see someone looking at you across the room....spotting you everywhere you go and trying to look innocent if you caught them staring....is it that hard to just listen to their thoughts even across the most crowded room ever...where the noise is deafening your soul and ears too.....love has to be beautiful...fighting with someone for every little thing and argue every day atleast once..to make sure you get to listen to him...even if just to gauge his mood....there can be nothing...like being able to spend your entire life with someone whom you love and about whom you would really care ..but how many people get it that way?
One of my American friend C had an affair for 6 years with and Indian girl and then the girl got married to someone else due to parental pressure....i cant even understand how hurt he must have been....
i dont know when people say that love is not about having each other in the end but it is complete in itself if it is expressed once....in the true and genuine way to each other...is that so...It forces me to think...is that possible if you really someone and commit your life to another..would you be able to forget your past love..your life...isnt it cheating in a silent way....wont your heart ever cry for your past flame...wont you ever wonder that how different your life would eb had you been still together....
hearts break and life jeopardize but life goes on unnoticed and unruffled...no one is perfect...not me not you...no one but then why do we always keep looking for the perfect on? love isnt a deer for whom you go hunting but it is something that happens to you...like life...my friends in grad school always keep on telling me about their love life, break ups..and how lonely they are here..how they want to find someone for them..someone who is nice and caring and would be there to depend on in any and every situation...I know it gets lonely here..far from home and from family and surrounded with stress but I still think that hunting for love is not going to help either..live for today...and if you are meant to be in it you will find him/her by default without any efforts....love is wonderful no wonder why everyone wants to fall in it...but i think love is definitely complete if your loved one is happy and gets what he/she wants...even if its not you..but the grudge would never die and the hurt would never fade....but then there are some who are worse off ...they dont really have the right even to love....think about them....if you understand why i say this then its ok..if not then I cant expatiate....but my heart cries out to them....they have no option than to wait for the destiny to come as their savior....
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Maybe the title should read Teaching as an experience..but there is much more to it that you will realize when you actually read ...
It is a surprising but I have mostly fumbled on the new things in my life that turned out to be so very interesting for me..that I love them and never want to give up...we all just fumble on everything in life...love, life, dreams, people, friends and a lot of things...
well I finally started to teach this semester and trust me the first day and that was last tuesday...I was so so nervous, tense and clueless..I even thought if the prospects of running away...after considering the options like a severe snow storm..but I would never know how severe is actually sever for these people...because when I think it is severe they never close down the campus ..not even today...there was a slush and it sucked...I was so scared to step out afraid of slipping on the ice...somewhere and since morning I have heard from two of my friends their painful stories of slipping on ice and it wasnt actually very pleasant..my parents have been paranoid even since I told them that i actually went to play in snow..but then snow and ice are really different...man snowfall isnt actually that great as I thought it to be.... anyways that apart.....I was so nervous and then everyone in my dept. had actually been so bugged with my questions that they decided to ban me form their labs and few started tearing their hair out....now this is called horrible exaggeration..actually they all were really sweet and they helped me a lot to soothe me and make m feel good bout it...and they all wished me as if I was actually going on a war....but then I had to face the class and I reached there early..that is my way of relaxing my tensed nerves..before any frantic situation and then I walked around ...but when the kids came in..though they looked frivolous..that word is synonymous with the undergrads here.....girls all set...made up like dolls...man..i never even remember to put on a lipstick ever in my life and there they were all dolled up like pin up poster girls...and the guys were all set as if for a date....but the pink boots of the girls and their nailpaints with patterns were the ones that actually made even my fingers blush....anyways I was nervous and all but to look at them was even worse..they looked at me with kinda mixed feelings of sorry, pity and scrutinizing gazes....thinking of the TA as a poor chap stuck with wrong career choice...tch tch..i could literally hear that tch tch part....apart from that I was sure that they were nervous too....some maybe hating me already and cursing me....but it was fun to teach and I was actually interactive with the class...and I take pride in it because I faced a pack of undergrads who were themselves afraid of me....and cudnt hide it....I am glad that I taught in my life so now I know that some day I could make a teacher..i dont know good or bad...but yes a teacher or a professor someday...without trying I could have never known that I could actually teach....not after the encouragement i received from my little cousin whom i taught english and maths and who ran away from me..jst after the second class and I had to literally bribe him to come back and also to say nice things in my teaching evaluation.....though he dint seem very pleased about it alll...but anyways...it is interesting to watch the kids as they behave in the class..some are so quite and like to be by themselves...some dont talk at all but they score the best ..some people are friendly and they try to know you..at times to the point of hitting on you....which is rather amusing..seeing the kids hitting on their TA's maybe in hope of getting good scores...or whatever....some always pass smiles to you..and others are just so excited to be in the class and have so many questions in their little curious brains..it is interesting to watch them....I have always been the type of a person who enjoys observing people..there is so much diversity in this world and everyone is so unique....and noticing them is kinda nice..it makes you wonder about a lot of things....pain, happiness, content, frustration..everyone has their feelings written all over their face, eyes, body language and it is interesting to observe the nuances of human behavior....
Maybe I will talk about it some other time..this time all I want to say is that one should always be ready to try new things in life because you never know what could be the best thing for you....and what you might be good at?
try out everything you want to before you pass out of time...and at worse life ....well i too have my list all set...and I will make sure that I cross out everything on it till I have time...so have new experiences and have fun..till next time...
well I finally started to teach this semester and trust me the first day and that was last tuesday...I was so so nervous, tense and clueless..I even thought if the prospects of running away...after considering the options like a severe snow storm..but I would never know how severe is actually sever for these people...because when I think it is severe they never close down the campus ..not even today...there was a slush and it sucked...I was so scared to step out afraid of slipping on the ice...somewhere and since morning I have heard from two of my friends their painful stories of slipping on ice and it wasnt actually very pleasant..my parents have been paranoid even since I told them that i actually went to play in snow..but then snow and ice are really different...man snowfall isnt actually that great as I thought it to be.... anyways that apart.....I was so nervous and then everyone in my dept. had actually been so bugged with my questions that they decided to ban me form their labs and few started tearing their hair out....now this is called horrible exaggeration..actually they all were really sweet and they helped me a lot to soothe me and make m feel good bout it...and they all wished me as if I was actually going on a war....but then I had to face the class and I reached there early..that is my way of relaxing my tensed nerves..before any frantic situation and then I walked around ...but when the kids came in..though they looked frivolous..that word is synonymous with the undergrads here.....girls all set...made up like dolls...man..i never even remember to put on a lipstick ever in my life and there they were all dolled up like pin up poster girls...and the guys were all set as if for a date....but the pink boots of the girls and their nailpaints with patterns were the ones that actually made even my fingers blush....anyways I was nervous and all but to look at them was even worse..they looked at me with kinda mixed feelings of sorry, pity and scrutinizing gazes....thinking of the TA as a poor chap stuck with wrong career choice...tch tch..i could literally hear that tch tch part....apart from that I was sure that they were nervous too....some maybe hating me already and cursing me....but it was fun to teach and I was actually interactive with the class...and I take pride in it because I faced a pack of undergrads who were themselves afraid of me....and cudnt hide it....I am glad that I taught in my life so now I know that some day I could make a teacher..i dont know good or bad...but yes a teacher or a professor someday...without trying I could have never known that I could actually teach....not after the encouragement i received from my little cousin whom i taught english and maths and who ran away from me..jst after the second class and I had to literally bribe him to come back and also to say nice things in my teaching evaluation.....though he dint seem very pleased about it alll...but anyways...it is interesting to watch the kids as they behave in the class..some are so quite and like to be by themselves...some dont talk at all but they score the best ..some people are friendly and they try to know you..at times to the point of hitting on you....which is rather amusing..seeing the kids hitting on their TA's maybe in hope of getting good scores...or whatever....some always pass smiles to you..and others are just so excited to be in the class and have so many questions in their little curious brains..it is interesting to watch them....I have always been the type of a person who enjoys observing people..there is so much diversity in this world and everyone is so unique....and noticing them is kinda nice..it makes you wonder about a lot of things....pain, happiness, content, frustration..everyone has their feelings written all over their face, eyes, body language and it is interesting to observe the nuances of human behavior....
Maybe I will talk about it some other time..this time all I want to say is that one should always be ready to try new things in life because you never know what could be the best thing for you....and what you might be good at?
try out everything you want to before you pass out of time...and at worse life ....well i too have my list all set...and I will make sure that I cross out everything on it till I have time...so have new experiences and have fun..till next time...
some serious random crap.....
People and perceptions change with time....and I have seen it in my case...it is so surprising but I always hear people say I know myself so well...but to tel you the truth I still wake up in the mornings rubbing my eyes and then I do things during my day...that surprise me and then I THINK..oH my i have spent sucha huge chunk of my life without knowing that I was actually capable of doing this too...its funny and at times scary..funny because I feel sorry for people who say that they know themselves so very well and scary because I think that if this took me such a long time to discover then maybe there are going to be many things that I will not even realize before leaving this world..what a waste not to know wyourself ....what a waste of god's sincere creations..well the word sincere can be used for all....god put ina lot of hard work and lov ein creating each one so unique...and we never realize and waste it, after coming here I realized that I could actually cook without burning food..and that too cook really well..the one thing I have been running away from whole of my life...I still hate it and virtually live on cereals....god bless the creator of cereals and that too cereals in a place like states where even band aids has a 5 feet tall and 10 feet long racks in stores to pick up a simple band aid..well i think too many choices have started driving me crazy....you could spend your entire life in a store and will never be done....but in case of cereals I am happy....I have some 10 packs of cereals as a back p in my closet. best and the easiest to amke and to digest as well...no hassle and you really dont haev to worry about dishes....but in worst case sceanarios I can spare cereals and survive on some real food..I know now....
man i wonder the way i digress from my topic...well then I also reaized that I actually like teaching I am taking a class this semester for the Undergrads and it is so much fun.
Well I have to write a seperate blog for that one because that was a unique experience for me...
anyways...the thing is that after landing here my perceptions have changed about a lot many things....
earlier I used to look up in the sky at the planes and wave to them as a kid and I always thought that one day I will fly to states..jee haan..hard to beleive but I dont know I always had this gut feeling of coming here ever since I saw the disneyland of California and Florida on the disney hour...initially it was a stupid desire of a innocent kid...but then it turned into a passionate aim for my life to study here....and I am glad that I succeeded in acheiving it by god's grace n lots of hard work....but now I look up at the planes flying in the sky and I feel angry at that peice of flying metal...I somehow blame it for bringing me so far from my home and mom and dad....
It sounds stupid to begin with but when you stay so far you kinda start blaming every thing around you at times....its not so easy to stay so far from our family....and I miss them too...most of the time...and some days are even worse....as i like to put it..all days are bad but some days are just worse than the rest.
man i wonder the way i digress from my topic...well then I also reaized that I actually like teaching I am taking a class this semester for the Undergrads and it is so much fun.
Well I have to write a seperate blog for that one because that was a unique experience for me...
anyways...the thing is that after landing here my perceptions have changed about a lot many things....
earlier I used to look up in the sky at the planes and wave to them as a kid and I always thought that one day I will fly to states..jee haan..hard to beleive but I dont know I always had this gut feeling of coming here ever since I saw the disneyland of California and Florida on the disney hour...initially it was a stupid desire of a innocent kid...but then it turned into a passionate aim for my life to study here....and I am glad that I succeeded in acheiving it by god's grace n lots of hard work....but now I look up at the planes flying in the sky and I feel angry at that peice of flying metal...I somehow blame it for bringing me so far from my home and mom and dad....
It sounds stupid to begin with but when you stay so far you kinda start blaming every thing around you at times....its not so easy to stay so far from our family....and I miss them too...most of the time...and some days are even worse....as i like to put it..all days are bad but some days are just worse than the rest.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
some harsh facts...
'Do beautiful people or maybe the attractive ones have it very easy in this world..'
but why?
in a recent audition of a reality show one of the judges said that it is absolutely fair for girls to manipulate guys at times..because guys already have so much of a say esp in a country like India. Does that make any sense..to me it does somewhat..maybe sometimes because it is a easy theory to accept and move ahead..and an easy and comfortable statement to admit too. I cant really say. Many a times I have thought about this fact whether attractive people have it always easy into everything in this world...what if the girl is just another normal girl ....then would the behavior of everyone around would be the same or would it vary. I take any random case..if the girl is nice and attractive then she makes friends smoothly wherever she goes. she gets everyone on her freind list without inviting anyone herself ...is it the first impression of her nicecities good enough or is it just the charming looks that works...I dont really know but one of my guy friends told me once that every who helps a girl has something on his mind..Guys are complex...to understand...I dont really want to rule out the fact that there is a dearth of good guys or people in general but he told me as a matter of fact and it forced me to think once again.
Does this world still lay all the importance on the exteriors of a person without really judging a person...maybe the beauty within plays an important role later but are attractive looks so important for the initial push...I cant really say because I dont have any answer for that..Maybe the guys can tell better..but my curiosity still rages on and I want an answer for that...for this one i wont say anything maybe someone can tell me about it..its a harsh fact to admit but i think it is true.i want to say many a things still but haven't found the expression for them as yet...
I have many unanswered questions which I would love to know the answer someday...
but why?
in a recent audition of a reality show one of the judges said that it is absolutely fair for girls to manipulate guys at times..because guys already have so much of a say esp in a country like India. Does that make any sense..to me it does somewhat..maybe sometimes because it is a easy theory to accept and move ahead..and an easy and comfortable statement to admit too. I cant really say. Many a times I have thought about this fact whether attractive people have it always easy into everything in this world...what if the girl is just another normal girl ....then would the behavior of everyone around would be the same or would it vary. I take any random case..if the girl is nice and attractive then she makes friends smoothly wherever she goes. she gets everyone on her freind list without inviting anyone herself ...is it the first impression of her nicecities good enough or is it just the charming looks that works...I dont really know but one of my guy friends told me once that every who helps a girl has something on his mind..Guys are complex...to understand...I dont really want to rule out the fact that there is a dearth of good guys or people in general but he told me as a matter of fact and it forced me to think once again.
Does this world still lay all the importance on the exteriors of a person without really judging a person...maybe the beauty within plays an important role later but are attractive looks so important for the initial push...I cant really say because I dont have any answer for that..Maybe the guys can tell better..but my curiosity still rages on and I want an answer for that...for this one i wont say anything maybe someone can tell me about it..its a harsh fact to admit but i think it is true.i want to say many a things still but haven't found the expression for them as yet...
I have many unanswered questions which I would love to know the answer someday...
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