This is one of the things that would always confound me..
What is being in a relationship about? being in love or friendship or any other form of close relationship.
Is it all about constant change, as in to say that is it about changing the person you love and then loving him or just love him/her the way they are. Do people really change? do they really change or accept any form of change after the age of 15? do they welcome change in their lives and become a part of it really?
I have been pondering over these questions for a while now, i dont seem to have any answers so i thought why not put my questions out there to ask anyone who would have sort of idea about them.
Why is it so hard to accept that everyone has a personality of their own encoded in their DNA just like other traits, and no matter what they stay, they dont go, they are like your fingerprint, and if someone is out to change them in order to like you more, they are fiddling with you basic personality, is that fine? is that acceptable? would it let you be who you want to be, would you be actually comfortable in your new skin, would you be original, wouldnt you be all fake and unnatural? isnt it fair enough to be who you actually are and be liked and accepted like that? why do people dont want to see it from this perspective. at times i hate myself, other times i love myself, its a constant flux of getting to know oneself. it is tricky but then no one said that life is easy..right?
but one day you eventually will figure yourself out and a lot of other things and that would make it all worth it. but then the question still lingers on...would you wait for your soul mate the kind of person you actually want for yourself, who would be compatible with you and your personality and would accept you as you are, and still love you, or you would rather date and take a chance, and end up breaking up? gettin hurt and healed up in the process. would it be worth the pain?
or would it be silly to go through this and then getting to know.
some people say that thinking about all this, is not worth the effort, and life is too short, maybe this is not such a big issue after all in their life, but you are making it one of the big ones for yourself, but my arguement is that you wont care about every tom dick and harry but then the poepl who matter and if they say something, you would be concerned and would try to figure out the flaws. wont you try?
but then everybody thinks different and then you can never concur with everyone..on everything. getting hurt is easy, and then there is a different defense mechanism everyone has, some want to shout it out, on others, or just get drunk, others like to shut the door and figure it out, stay quite and find the solution themselves. but then both approaches are dependent on the personality of the person in question. both are right in their own terms, some people want to shrug off and move ahead, others take a minute and think about it and act on it, or atleast try to act on it..which one is a better one i dont know...self valuation once in a while is important, there would always be people who would understand and accept and love you the way you are, and there will always be people who would resent your demeanor for something or the other.
what would you do? think about it or dish it off as something not worthy of time and thought?
would you care to change yourself and be like the one they want you to be? or just be confident and love the way you are if there is nothing major wrong with you and there are people in your life who love you as you are..and totally adore you?
would you stop being who you are, be fake or you would?????
is there any point in changing for someone or should you just carry on being yourself and actually be with people who accept you as you are? or should you just not care? should you not even make an effort to gel with different kind of people, and simply try to be with those who are more tolerable of you and you behavior? is staying aloof and deliberately ignorant the key to be happy? i know that when you move into the society , it expects certain standards from you and it will demand specifics from you and your behavior would you like to keep up, or just say 'WHATEVER' and move on with a smile? or would you rather make an effort and try to please them, even though you know that goodness is overrated and the most thankless job in the world..but i understand that living is also a thankless job, but then we dont stop living..do we? even though we know that you might do a thousand nice things for someone and you just need a simple small misunderstanding, a small verbal folly to ruin it and to make it all worthless forever..and the person will forget everything but that last slip of tongue or the impulsive thing said at the spur of the moment.. why are we humans so shallow? i have no idea, but maybe someday will have some...they want to be sad i guess..thats why..
i dont know these are the questions that always remain and they linger? i have no answers..and my brain goes into splits thinking about them, so i m going to stop thinking, but yes if you read this post and think that no one understand you ..then please take a moment to write down what you feel..what is the right way to go..i am sure everyone thinks about this at some point and has an opinion, i just want to know that opinion..and the logical rationale...
The question still lingers on.....
4 comments:
You ask a lot of questions!! Anyways, the shit with life is that you will always have more question than answers...their intensity may vary...but the more u think abt 'em the more u'll get confused...i personally believe that key to a good relationship is trust and understanding...anything else is trivial...and key to a free life is to avoid those ambiguous questions...so, stop searching for the answers...life itself will put it ur way, someday...just do what YOU feel is right...n rest of the world can go to hell :)
i had the same approach..but i got lost on my way...questions questions n questions..they never leave u alone...the day they will..that wud be either ur last day or the day of ur ultimate enlightenment..dont see the latter happening anytime soon but lets HOPE..
Yaar, u cant b more confused than me!! Seriously! I dont know where i am heading in life...just moving with the flow...am a real screwd up guy...relationships? Ah! I have never been in a relationship yet i claim to hav unlockd every door of it...n dont ask about the myraid of questions that lingers in my head every sec...but then we all go thru this phase...am not sure abt the "enlightment" but the "hope" factor will sail u thru this situation...just stick to it...
The term relationship involves two objects, thus in case of humans too, relationship has a *mutual* sense which means both the humans involved need to put in equal efforts to bring in the sense of *mutual*ness. So, when you talk about the change in your self, it has to be mutual, if the other person has accepted you the way you are, you have to accept too the way other person is. You might call it a compromise but relationship begins with a compromise you find happiness in. Even if you prefer to wait until the person of your kind comes into your life, its eventually a compromise that you make on losing all the good people you might have encountered. In case you do not find that happiness then clearly you are not willing to compromise. So, happiness, mutual, and relationship go in tandem. About the society, its different, Indian society is conservative and Indian society is all about prestige and the respect that you hold. If you give more value to this prestige over yourself, so be it, that's a compromise you have made. So, forget about what the society expects from you.
-abf
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