Beautiful Love....Pain.and..Unrequited love....

I am listening to the song 'reason, by Hoobastank and it makes me wonder about perfect person theory we use so frequently in our daily life.....it is a beautiful track provided you really ignore the video..which couldn't be more unrelated....
I dont know what they say when they say love is blind but I do know that being in love must be the best feeling on this earth...it helps you meet yourself..to know yourself better, to think for a change, to recognize your true self as we never know how capable we are of giving out love for anyone till you meet your mr/ms perfect...it must be a great feeling..with stars in your eyes and dreams in the daytime...waiting up for someone..just so that you could fight with him when he comes late and then try to show your anger at him....that you are so damn angry but somewhere you are not and you were so sick worrying about what might have caused the delay....looking into his eyes and then looking for some love for yourself when they might be overflowing with feelings for you.....people always say that it is so hard to judge people in this world....even by looking at their faces and but think for a sec ..is it? well i think it is not hard to see the love in someone eyes that is just meant for you....i have never been in true love kinda thing but people say as if i have been married a thousand times..to understand the subtleties of human nature, and the implications of love and liking...but i always wonder..how can you not see someone looking at you across the room....spotting you everywhere you go and trying to look innocent if you caught them staring....is it that hard to just listen to their thoughts even across the most crowded room ever...where the noise is deafening your soul and ears too.....love has to be beautiful...fighting with someone for every little thing and argue every day atleast once..to make sure you get to listen to him...even if just to gauge his mood....there can be nothing...like being able to spend your entire life with someone whom you love and about whom you would really care ..but how many people get it that way?
One of my American friend C had an affair for 6 years with and Indian girl and then the girl got married to someone else due to parental pressure....i cant even understand how hurt he must have been....
i dont know when people say that love is not about having each other in the end but it is complete in itself if it is expressed once....in the true and genuine way to each other...is that so...It forces me to think...is that possible if you really someone and commit your life to another..would you be able to forget your past love..your life...isnt it cheating in a silent way....wont your heart ever cry for your past flame...wont you ever wonder that how different your life would eb had you been still together....
hearts break and life jeopardize but life goes on unnoticed and unruffled...no one is perfect...not me not you...no one but then why do we always keep looking for the perfect on? love isnt a deer for whom you go hunting but it is something that happens to you...like life...my friends in grad school always keep on telling me about their love life, break ups..and how lonely they are here..how they want to find someone for them..someone who is nice and caring and would be there to depend on in any and every situation...I know it gets lonely here..far from home and from family and surrounded with stress but I still think that hunting for love is not going to help either..live for today...and if you are meant to be in it you will find him/her by default without any efforts....love is wonderful no wonder why everyone wants to fall in it...but i think love is definitely complete if your loved one is happy and gets what he/she wants...even if its not you..but the grudge would never die and the hurt would never fade....but then there are some who are worse off ...they dont really have the right even to love....think about them....if you understand why i say this then its ok..if not then I cant expatiate....but my heart cries out to them....they have no option than to wait for the destiny to come as their savior....

Maybe the title should read Teaching as an experience..but there is much more to it that you will realize when you actually read ...

It is a surprising but I have mostly fumbled on the new things in my life that turned out to be so very interesting for me..that I love them and never want to give up...we all just fumble on everything in life...love, life, dreams, people, friends and a lot of things...
well I finally started to teach this semester and trust me the first day and that was last tuesday...I was so so nervous, tense and clueless..I even thought if the prospects of running away...after considering the options like a severe snow storm..but I would never know how severe is actually sever for these people...because when I think it is severe they never close down the campus ..not even today...there was a slush and it sucked...I was so scared to step out afraid of slipping on the ice...somewhere and since morning I have heard from two of my friends their painful stories of slipping on ice and it wasnt actually very pleasant..my parents have been paranoid even since I told them that i actually went to play in snow..but then snow and ice are really different...man snowfall isnt actually that great as I thought it to be.... anyways that apart.....I was so nervous and then everyone in my dept. had actually been so bugged with my questions that they decided to ban me form their labs and few started tearing their hair out....now this is called horrible exaggeration..actually they all were really sweet and they helped me a lot to soothe me and make m feel good bout it...and they all wished me as if I was actually going on a war....but then I had to face the class and I reached there early..that is my way of relaxing my tensed nerves..before any frantic situation and then I walked around ...but when the kids came in..though they looked frivolous..that word is synonymous with the undergrads here.....girls all set...made up like dolls...man..i never even remember to put on a lipstick ever in my life and there they were all dolled up like pin up poster girls...and the guys were all set as if for a date....but the pink boots of the girls and their nailpaints with patterns were the ones that actually made even my fingers blush....anyways I was nervous and all but to look at them was even worse..they looked at me with kinda mixed feelings of sorry, pity and scrutinizing gazes....thinking of the TA as a poor chap stuck with wrong career choice...tch tch..i could literally hear that tch tch part....apart from that I was sure that they were nervous too....some maybe hating me already and cursing me....but it was fun to teach and I was actually interactive with the class...and I take pride in it because I faced a pack of undergrads who were themselves afraid of me....and cudnt hide it....I am glad that I taught in my life so now I know that some day I could make a teacher..i dont know good or bad...but yes a teacher or a professor someday...without trying I could have never known that I could actually teach....not after the encouragement i received from my little cousin whom i taught english and maths and who ran away from me..jst after the second class and I had to literally bribe him to come back and also to say nice things in my teaching evaluation.....though he dint seem very pleased about it alll...but anyways...it is interesting to watch the kids as they behave in the class..some are so quite and like to be by themselves...some dont talk at all but they score the best ..some people are friendly and they try to know you..at times to the point of hitting on you....which is rather amusing..seeing the kids hitting on their TA's maybe in hope of getting good scores...or whatever....some always pass smiles to you..and others are just so excited to be in the class and have so many questions in their little curious brains..it is interesting to watch them....I have always been the type of a person who enjoys observing people..there is so much diversity in this world and everyone is so unique....and noticing them is kinda nice..it makes you wonder about a lot of things....pain, happiness, content, frustration..everyone has their feelings written all over their face, eyes, body language and it is interesting to observe the nuances of human behavior....
Maybe I will talk about it some other time..this time all I want to say is that one should always be ready to try new things in life because you never know what could be the best thing for you....and what you might be good at?
try out everything you want to before you pass out of time...and at worse life ....well i too have my list all set...and I will make sure that I cross out everything on it till I have time...so have new experiences and have fun..till next time...

some serious random crap.....

People and perceptions change with time....and I have seen it in my case...it is so surprising but I always hear people say I know myself so well...but to tel you the truth I still wake up in the mornings rubbing my eyes and then I do things during my day...that surprise me and then I THINK..oH my i have spent sucha huge chunk of my life without knowing that I was actually capable of doing this too...its funny and at times scary..funny because I feel sorry for people who say that they know themselves so very well and scary because I think that if this took me such a long time to discover then maybe there are going to be many things that I will not even realize before leaving this world..what a waste not to know wyourself ....what a waste of god's sincere creations..well the word sincere can be used for all....god put ina lot of hard work and lov ein creating each one so unique...and we never realize and waste it, after coming here I realized that I could actually cook without burning food..and that too cook really well..the one thing I have been running away from whole of my life...I still hate it and virtually live on cereals....god bless the creator of cereals and that too cereals in a place like states where even band aids has a 5 feet tall and 10 feet long racks in stores to pick up a simple band aid..well i think too many choices have started driving me crazy....you could spend your entire life in a store and will never be done....but in case of cereals I am happy....I have some 10 packs of cereals as a back p in my closet. best and the easiest to amke and to digest as well...no hassle and you really dont haev to worry about dishes....but in worst case sceanarios I can spare cereals and survive on some real food..I know now....
man i wonder the way i digress from my topic...well then I also reaized that I actually like teaching I am taking a class this semester for the Undergrads and it is so much fun.
Well I have to write a seperate blog for that one because that was a unique experience for me...
anyways...the thing is that after landing here my perceptions have changed about a lot many things....
earlier I used to look up in the sky at the planes and wave to them as a kid and I always thought that one day I will fly to states..jee haan..hard to beleive but I dont know I always had this gut feeling of coming here ever since I saw the disneyland of California and Florida on the disney hour...initially it was a stupid desire of a innocent kid...but then it turned into a passionate aim for my life to study here....and I am glad that I succeeded in acheiving it by god's grace n lots of hard work....but now I look up at the planes flying in the sky and I feel angry at that peice of flying metal...I somehow blame it for bringing me so far from my home and mom and dad....
It sounds stupid to begin with but when you stay so far you kinda start blaming every thing around you at times....its not so easy to stay so far from our family....and I miss them too...most of the time...and some days are even worse....as i like to put it..all days are bad but some days are just worse than the rest.

some harsh facts...

'Do beautiful people or maybe the attractive ones have it very easy in this world..'
but why?
in a recent audition of a reality show one of the judges said that it is absolutely fair for girls to manipulate guys at times..because guys already have so much of a say esp in a country like India. Does that make any sense..to me it does somewhat..maybe sometimes because it is a easy theory to accept and move ahead..and an easy and comfortable statement to admit too. I cant really say. Many a times I have thought about this fact whether attractive people have it always easy into everything in this world...what if the girl is just another normal girl ....then would the behavior of everyone around would be the same or would it vary. I take any random case..if the girl is nice and attractive then she makes friends smoothly wherever she goes. she gets everyone on her freind list without inviting anyone herself ...is it the first impression of her nicecities good enough or is it just the charming looks that works...I dont really know but one of my guy friends told me once that every who helps a girl has something on his mind..Guys are complex...to understand...I dont really want to rule out the fact that there is a dearth of good guys or people in general but he told me as a matter of fact and it forced me to think once again.
Does this world still lay all the importance on the exteriors of a person without really judging a person...maybe the beauty within plays an important role later but are attractive looks so important for the initial push...I cant really say because I dont have any answer for that..Maybe the guys can tell better..but my curiosity still rages on and I want an answer for that...for this one i wont say anything maybe someone can tell me about it..its a harsh fact to admit but i think it is true.i want to say many a things still but haven't found the expression for them as yet...
I have many unanswered questions which I would love to know the answer someday...

A new way of life in a new world.....- a sneak preview...

life has been so damn hectic ever since i realized what Phd and its commitment was all about..abhi se ye haal hai mera when i havent even begun my research..n bhaiyya itna asaan nai hai..u still have to clear the phd qualifier and prove that you are worthy of even touching the cuvettes and micropippetes in their labs...so i m still looking forward to it...
i mean it is saturday tonight and i know that i wait for fridays here..man i deserve them more than the anyone in the whole world.....i swear that..well i dont know of others but my countdown starts right from my monday morning alarm and i am thinking of waht to do this friday.....imagine....and i feel like it is my birth day when finally friday arrives...that is the only day when i really relax....and have fun....and live my life...whih i have forgotton totally during the busy week....i love fridays....i mena they even have a restaurant here 'T.G.I.F' i.e. thank god its friday.....i eman why cant we just have friday saturday and sundays...do we really need the middle days....i dotn think so....anyways by the way ever since columbus discovered america I have made the next big discovery of my life here...and that is I am a great cook..though I know my mom and sister have a hard time taking this fact into their brains and I am even sure that if they saw me cooking here my mom would probably faint and my sister wudnt believe her eyes....I mean I not only cook but i cook really well and that is not all i mean I am not the only one to say that...I have a fan club for my cooing to..who can testify for this anytime.... so I cook here ...bulk food on sundays and then ahve the same thing whole damn week....our fridge in the apartment has been begging us to be let off for a while so it can heave a igh of relief...and the only thing that our freezer asks for every time you open it is a safety belt kind of thing to strap everything into it or maybe a helmet for ourselves..I mean its not new for me...my cupboard back home has been like this for years now and every time you take the risk of opening it more than two things wud fall on you to welcome you....maybe more than two...so dont complain later that i dint warn you about this..anyways i m sure no one in theis entire world is anytime interested in opening my cupboard...but this freezer..we four people are very much interested in opening it...to retrieve our daily food...that is freezing in there...i have plenty of frozen paranthas in there...as the only toughest part of indian cuisine that i ahvent mastered is the chapati...man why the hell it has to be so complicated ....my problem starts right form the dough making step and it ends with the papad kind of stuff in place of chapatis....
I just pray that our freezer might not be dead by the time we get home tomorrow..which has a high probability...as our microwave sighed his last two days back....god knows what was his problem though....i mena it should have learnt a thing ortwo frm our dear super stuffed freezer..i wish they made freezers of some elastic material that can infinitely stretch..and even more in a place like US where poeple have nearly forgotton about fresh food ....and the kids only know that the frozen food to be the only kind of food present in the world..
but the best part about this america is that we get indian foodstuff though it is 10 times more expensive..indian hi indian ko loot raha hai bhai....u say that...behind every robbed indina here is another indian.....but anyways we get it....so im surviving on that...and haan as i write i also remember that it has been full one month since i landed here...time flies..and moreso when you are studying or trying to study as in my case....i dont feel like it has been one month here..far away form my land and family and everyone....so my this blog is dedicated in the honour of this day when i celebrate my coming here and surviving it for one month...
everything here is quite cool except the fact that i am supposed to meet up with my study group tomorrow and when they actualyl said to come prepared to discuss first 2 lectures of Prof. I was full of zeal then and insisted on doing the first three in place of two..it was friday my frend and i was in high spirits....so now to tell you the fact i ahvent even started with my second lecture and it is already 8 p.m. abhi izzat ka sawaal hai toh i dont even want to call them and beg myself off from it...now i have to do it...well i ahve also turned into an insomaniac and the credit for that goes to the strong coffee here...I am fresh whole night ...even when i felel like calling it a day..i dont get any sleep....but i have sworn on the 30 day celebration of America coming that I am going to reduce the intake of coffee from now on and try and concentrate without it....
and i guess i should be headed back to my lecture no. 2...i have to prepare it for tomorrow....now i dont know when to study here..as it was sunday half of my time goes into maintaining my active social life and the rest into maintaining my active cooking life if i want to survive on edible vegetarian food for the rest of the week...where is the time to study....
rest is good..except that i need to maintain an active student life here too and i am headed into doing that right now....so wish me luck....

Matters of Life and Death....

Life and death have nearly always mystified and stupefied me…and I still think that I don’t exactly understand these 2 things completely…when I was young I always thought that death is a very very ominous word and even worse thing but I could never understand its full implications..i used to see people carrying a corpse or cremation at the distant cremation grounds which was on the roadside nearby…I used to feel goosebumps on my arms then and I saw people weeping uncontrollably..and all shatterd and destroyed…I felt real upset for them….and used to cling to my dad even more…..but it was just that for me.. when my grandpa passed away..we went there for his last rites and found everyone telling us kids not to snigger or smile in there and remain calm and quite..well that was the first shock..i mean though small we were but we atleast knew this..didn’t we?

I had this younger cousin who used to tell us about her past life when she was such a small kid…and she used to talk like a complete grown up at an age when children are not even able to speak out their name without prattling….we all were stunned..she told us everything about her house in Dehra Dun to her sons, daughter-in-law..whom she supposedly did’nt like much..her grandsons whom she loved dearly..her room location, her personal box and then her cause of death which was due to a car accident while going from dehra dun to mussorie…as the car lost control and fell off the cliff…

This further added to my disillusioned perceptions….and I was left pondering over all this…I was then too young to fathom the reincarnation theory..but I had my take on that too.in my own way

I used to wonder seriously about my previous lifetimes…I was always fantasized to listen to such stories..and even more when I saw one right in our family….i wanted to know about my previous lifetime and my family, my home, my cause of death

I truly used to think that when I will die in this birth I will write everything about my personal life on a piece of a paper and then clutch it tightly in my hand and I would still have it in my next birth…and so I would also know about this lifetime in the next…and how exciting that would be..but I had this critical mind to take care of the hurdles in the way..and that was to first create an inflammable paper. Which could survive everything…

Now I feel how silly I really was…and laugh at myself everytime I am reminded of this…

Now as I grew up my worries took an absolutely different turn..and I started to worry that if I die in between then I would have to start studying right from the very scratch and that wasn’t such a pleasant idea..i mean c’mon..we spend more than half of our live…nearly 25-28 years of life studying hard in order to enjoy our lives in future..and then comes the job part which is even more tedious…and less enjoyment..and then the family..even busier and then finally we get some time free in our old age..when we have lots of money….but we don’t have the right kind of heath to enjoy life nor the right kind of teeth left to enjoy all kinds of food…and that’s assuming you stay out of the deadly diseases like diabetes and cholesterol hi/lo BP etc….

But seriously I used to worry about it a lot…about possible ways to preserve my knowledge and brain..it is so sad that we have to start from a scratch…all over again…from A..B…C…D….and 1…2….3….4…. that’s really sad..

You wont believe that when my GRE exam headed near…I was so scared and protective concerning my head..i even wanted to wear a helmet while at my home to prevent any head injuries..major or minor..because I used to wonder that just in case if I got a head injury and I had amnesia..meri saari mehnat pe paani fir jaayega ….because all my GRE wordlist was in there which had taken months of hard work to memorize..and ratofy would go blank in one sec. ….i couldn’t bear to think about it…but thank god I stayed safe till the D-day…..

Coming back to my death and life story…well I believe that lucky ali’s song maut from kaante is kinda clear description of this unique phenomenon…

There is another world out there and its even more beautiful and free than it is in here….i dont fear death like many others who do anything to stay away from it….i know when it would come I would welcome it but I just look forward to a peaceful one atleast..not much khoon kharaba…I don’t want to die under a truck/bus/train..thats not really that peaceful and I don’t even want to be any kind of responsibility or liability on anyone..i just want to go away before I get bed ridden…but this doesn’t mean that I am looking forward to it right tomorrow..i want to live abhi filhaal ye VRS scheme is not for me….i believe that death can be very liberating..people who have near death exp. Tell fascinating stories about the world beyond this physical world….it must feel so good to shed all your weight…and the all the baggage of guilt, pain, feelings, everything and floating away to infinity…

I wonder how people cling to their lives dearly..they keep on collecting wealth until it becomes filth..i believe one should have sufficient but not excess…I still wonder what do Tata and Ambani’s do with so much of money….hmphhh..

Always screws me up…is a private jet for a gift makes you that happy than one’s one handmade handkerchief or card..which has so much love gone into its making …I fail to understand how people (for instance the govt. officials) can buy things for their family which they earn by swindling the poor and burning big holes in the pockets of the needy....do they get to have a peaceful night sleep ?..or do they have nightmares?…do they ever feel more contented than a 9 to 5 job waala hard working middle class people? Try helping a poor sometime and you’d know which content feeling I am talking of…..

Don’t they realize that we all have to leave one day and then all this wealth is useless…and all these misdeeds will have to be paid for….we wouldn’t take a single penny out of here…just our soul..but how people stay so ignorant and instead of enriching their soul they enrich and nourish their bank accounts which would be no good….one day….

Its such a simple fact but not many people realize it….its funny..how people can act so silly….life is to enjoy and to learn…now this doesn’t meant that we don’t study and just fool around..but enjoy in other ways..gathering knowledge is also a part of the wisdom acquiring process….which none can escape and even if u want to I m sure your parents wont let u do it…

But what saddens me is to see the weeping relatives, shattered family..wise people say that soul llives on its like leaving a taxi at this turning and taking a new one at the other one..the passenger remains the same..and we should not be sad because..its all in the karma…and that the soul goes up and takes care of us like a guardian angel….so if one is liberated then we should just think that he has been liberated and now he’s in peace..or maybe already in the form of a child somewhere playing in some mother’s caressing arms..and must have brought so much happiness in someone’s lives so as to brighten it up…

Birth and death are such opposites..but they are opposites because we build relation on this earth and acquire greed too…we have our liabilities and we leave them in between..infact we hardly get to live our life our way…

We come into this world because someone else sends us…we grow up as per our folks want us to..we live as per the norms of this society…which teaches us everything from love to hatred, honesty, modesty, gratitude, selflessness to be wicked, mean, haughty, arrogant, malice ….and we die may or maybe not as per our wish…where does this I fit in…its always others..guiding us….often our behavior is dictated by others too…and not by our whims…

So its but obvious for our loved ones to be upset…when one leave in between…leaving us with nothing but a void and pain to the height of numbness...

Dr. Brian Weiss’s tells us about life after death and re incarnation too in a very profound way…well lemme tell you…I believe in re incarnation, and karma and everything that may sound weird to majority people…he tells us that all our near and dear ones in this lifetime have the roots of our relation ..love or hatred in our previous lifetimes ..its like..my folks may have been my folks in previous lifetimes too..or maybe my best friend and I were sisters ….we never know…but that simply means that love stays and doesn’t die with us…we feel connected to out loved ones over many lifetimes and a group of souls re-incarnate everytime….if we start to think in this way then we would start to love them even more and stop fearing death..because this powerful demon called death is only capable of taking away our material possessions and physical body…nothing else from our heart….the love stays and grows and the bonding gets deeper everytime…even death cant destroy it…and its so sad that this love is hardly found alive in this world in present times….that too selfless love…so I guess we should try n spread love and cheer…coz that is the only thing here to stay…

It sounds so enchanting and mysterious at the same time…we spent years to nurture everything in our life..love relations, hopes, career and then in just a flip of an eyelid we are gone..and this thin line is crossed….and that weak thread is snapped and we are nothing but a clear soul remains of our whole being nurtured so carefully over so many years..its so strange yet….true…and we are scared of that momentary..pain in between..of leaving our loved ones all alone..when we wont even feel any pain, sadness as we waft up in the air to start afresh….but then life goes on….

I believe that its more important to live today…I always wake up and say thanx to god ..i confess my love to my parents and friends and tell them through gestures how much I care…because maybe tomorrow is too late…I try and cheer up the people around me and share their sorrows…I keep my temper in control and spread cheer wherever I go I like to see smiling happy faces around me…I aim for new skies everytime and head towards it with full focus and effort…and then aspire for higher skies…i dream a lot ….i don’t want to regret for anything tomorrow on my deathbed…(that’s in case I get to have one)....that I dint do a certain thing..so I live for today…and try to tell others the same too…

Kaun jaane..kal ho naa ho…ye original line hai ..trust me…it’s just a co-incidence that it’s a movie as well….

Feeling confused and nostalgic....

this bus with the tag line goes so well with my post.....waise this road which leads to freedom is not for me but for someone else..if u want to know whom.then read this blog to the last...if u can bear the torture..or else stay ignorant for ever....

I love thinking…not because i m some great philospher or poet but because i have all the time in the world to do it these days....and that’s what I have been doing so liberally lately..so hmmmmm…hmmm…err.... there I go again…wake up girl....u r in the middle of blog writing…

I have been at the bottom of the scale measuring the social life of anyone…measuring in negative….so all I do is to think…I just want to go and get busy…so something worthwhile…and as soon as this thought hits me…I start wondering about the day when I will leave..and it confuses my feelings right that moment…everyone loves their home and the very thought of leaving your safe have does stir up a lot many apprehensions and thoughts in one’s mind…so far…all by myself..abhi toh mere ko theek se raaste bhi yaad rakhne padenge yaar…that would be occupying another good fraction of my already used and exhausted brain…

I m definitely looking forward to my new life in an entirely different part of the world which I am so used to live in and so enconsed in too…

but then as my mum says..no one acheived anything big while sticking around one's house....

so dude..i gotta go and though i am ambivalent and happy and confused and a little nostalgic abhi se hi but i am all the more worried about my folks..though i have stayed in hostel for four long long years and i have grown up a lot..but mere pa-ma still think of me as their little girl who used to sleep in bathroom on the floor when made to stand to brush her teeth, who never learnt to tie her laces properly, who was always late for her school tempo, ricky and who has been the biggest hurdle in their jobs as she was such a cry baby....who sucked her thumb god knows till when, who played with barbies under the dining table with her frends included (space management).... played hide n seek wearing those payals and as always got caught...and never quite understood why? And not to forget still maarofies thenice cool pens that they get in conference folders and bags…including the last week pen and all the nice folders in dad’s bag…

They just cant accept that i have grown up..finally..though dimagi taur pe thodi si imbecility ke signs hain par keeping this apart from that she has grown up....trust me mummy...

though my culinary skills are as good as it was in class sixth (that means nothing ..nai nai..not even tea n maggi), though i still think ki woh toffees mummy nai santa clause rakhte the....though i am still not a big fan of those aunties who talk in their shrill voices and pull you cheeks in sinister pleasure as if they were made of infinite elastic...saying" arre kitni badi ho gayi hai" even if they met you after a gap of 2 months....

though i still love to irritate everyone….including my parodies on di and i still put salt in teas 'by mistake' when i dont c any guests getting me chocolates ...i still ravage the bags of pa, di and mummy when they return from any trip to anywhere from london to jharkhand for hiddes surprises and gifts though they may be few and far between....and I still love to keep my things scattered on my bed so that it feels like I have company and I still cant fathom the theory of stacks in a cupboard…Arre yaar if I gotta get a thing at the base of that stack..then any law pf physics, dynamics, force cant stop the damn stack to fall down…not my fault….

In all these years of aging where I haven’t shown any progress in intelligence…My folks couldnt even trust me for getting all by myself to home and they never ever sent me alone to my hostel or risk m coming back alone….now that brings sharp memories of my only ever alone bus journey back home....they were so frantic and nervous....as if I was going to cross the Pakistan border illegally…. by bribing the border forces….or going straight to interview osama bin laden….

i was given instructions like don’t get down from the bus, don’t go into deep slumber, don’t take anything including candies cookies, chocolates or fruits from any stranger, don’t take ur hand out of the bus. Window and don’t stand on the door of the moving bus..like u do in trains….actually lemme confess i have a habit of falling sleep at times during my journeys and then...comes the stupidest part....people have stage fear, water fear, height fear,weight fear, ankita fear (that one was made solely to emphasize my point) but guess what....i have this sleeping fear while travelling...bcoz if i fall asleep then my head would loll on in any direction it pleases and if thats not enough...i have this strange fear of my mouth dropping open and worst ....drooling....man that is so pathetic to even think of....

now to get rid of this fear for atleast that memorable journey i asked all my friends to keep giving me missd calls...throughout the way (sab ke sab kanjoos nikle yaar..no one messaged me..or called me..but they only gave me missed calls as i had said) so that i may not fall asleep and scare my padosi passenger…

well apart from that i was all set and reached the bus station safely....and then my bus hunt started...well and lasted for about half an hour..hopping from one bus to another..the ac bus wasnt going for other 4 hours and then there was this fleet of non ac's .....bhaiyya student jeevan isi ko kehte hain...kasht saho aur sahte raho..if you succeed in the end sab tumhara example quote karenge apne chunnu munnu ko...and u will be the next children idol...

like:

PAPA: dekha pados ke sssssss saab ke beti ko ..kahan kahan normal bus ke dhakke khaye us bacchi ne par today she is going abroad ...kuch seekho..main keh deta hoon..ye ped pe baithi chidiya ke ande jaise marks laane se kuch nai hone waala hai...kuch seekho.

.

chintu: (under his breath cursing ye kaun beti hain yaar...unke papa ko bhi humare hi papa ke office mein hona tha..kya yaar....) nai nai u r mistaken....chintu kuch nai kahega...are bhai humari india mein gusse waale papa ko retort karna is a sin...

and if you dont make it ( i meant fail but it sounded very disparaging so i used a mild expression) then u will be forgotten like the prince...now ask me who prince is...well wahi jise last year...maybe usse bhi last year tubewell ...err...borewell se nikala tha yaar..)

anyways..coming back to my eventful yatra...i finally picked up a bus after i got tired of lugging my luggage on 10-15 buses and taking my mum's call every 10 minutes....for 50 times in between..now this bus was going to move in another 15 minutes....btu unfortunately this bus dint budge until all the aas paas ki buses had left reason being driver kho gaya tha ya maybe so gaya tha..who cares....but after a massive search he came back and then a heavy uncle came and took the seat next to me....darn..i had been expecting someone better....abhi hrithink naa sahi toh kam se kam..i was expecting someone decent as karan grover....(dil mil gaye waala....)

as the bus started...and we finally made a move...the ordered missed calls started pouring in..some with reliance ka cell also made occassional 10 paise waala message..as to where i was and how i was....paying the ticket was a pain again..i could hardly hear with my feeble ears the amount and the engines noise with the horn was defeaning me...the conductor had to shout his lungs out and half of the bus joined him in chorus to tell me the amount....

anyways i was awake and that was more than a reason to celebrate..now my mum was terrified that i might oversleep or maybe i get down to get mirinda and someone runs away with my bori bistara....

main toh nai par mere padosi uncle fell asleep...now babies look far more cuter while sleeping..than he did and specially his head precariously hanging in the air..to fall on wither side...when i had no options..i simply..spilled water on his pants..and he got up never to sleep again....

well after few stops he got down and also made girl sit next to me....(sweet naa...or maybe too terrified to make another uncle fall prey to my antics)

well the girl was sweet seedhi sadi, sushil kanya from a small township....now as she was so amused by the constant vibrating cell..she hit off with conversation and then she told me her life history …that she had come to that place to meet her prospective groom's family who was a business man..i was like stunned...she dint look very old to get married and i started off with my big naari freedom theory...and asked her age but she wasnt sure..and the i blasted with my pravachans...about how she should protest this and shudnt get married and also when she hasn’t even met her groom and how undependable he would be as he was a business man and how she should study and get dependable before settling down and what serious consequences could follow and million ways in which she could be fooled, duped, cheated, divorced, and abandoned....and how she should get her freedom, get to know the guy better and zillion ways how she should go about it...in the end she was more than convinced that she was going to throw up all this marriage proposal thing and should be a free n independent woman...

Well wasnt i proud of myself ?..but also happy that in case my farzineer degree wouldn’t seek me any decent job then the doors of 'Abla - Naari Shakti Morcha Niketans (Women empowerment) will always be open for me..i could mention this one as an active experience...to impress them....one way of income secured....yippee…

she was profusely thanking me by the end of the journey and was a completely transformed and confident girl by the time she got off the bus....

bravo me...!!

i never came to know whether she complied with my POA (plan of action) or was brainwashed later..but it was worth it and kept me from sleeping...agar maine ek ladki ki bhi zindagi bacha li then man..its worth a memorable journey..hann and main apne samman ke saath safely ghar bhi land kar gayi....and meri mum ne mere liye aisa kuch special nai banaya tha as she had a meeting that day...and came late...arre bhai ye sab luxuries to ghar ke bade bachhon ko hi naseeb hoti hain..hum jaison ko kahan...well she also lectured me on how i always got indiegstion and acidity due to 'good food' intolerance after i returned from hostel...well when my sis used to get back frm hers she always had this feisty meal..n my mum used to stand in the garden whole day long with the garland ...now i dont know ki she deliberately came in on weekends or just a co incidence..waise bhi mummy log bade bachchon ke liye toh bahut craze se karti hain as it is first time...and the enthru is there...like the jaya bahaduri of 'Kabhi khushi kabhi gham'..bechare choton ka number toh aane tak they are like tired and just want to get over with it...redundancy..ki best definition yahi hai...

anyways forget it..well i hope that girl took my advice and is happily unmarried somewhere today....

but i know seeing me going into the international airport with all my 23kgs.+ luggage....my folks are gonna be real worried about me..even if they dont say it...i can see it on their faces abhi se hi...hope i am able to re inforce the faith in them till then ki i can manage things on my own n I have grown up..n whats more importamt I hope they start to trust me and listen to what I actually say n take me seriously....god bless them….