Failures...

So finally I have some free time to actually sit down and write something..today I am not too sleepy or tired...and then I have time to actually look out of my window and appreciate the trickling rain drops from the leaves of the trees and the green grass...spring has gone and summer is supposed to have come..but i never had the time to enjoy the spring..life seems to have gone fast forward but then season seemed to have paused so that i could still look at the pretty sights that the nature has to offer. I was working on an experiment and it did not work and i pushed myself out of my bed today on a saturday to go and check out my result and further it...but it didnt work, it dint work but i the back of my mind I was happy as i had gotten my weekend free...to chillax...I am learning very important lessons of my life..and that is to accept failures and then start to look at the glass half full and not half empty..I have always had thi failure phobe..i used to have dreams that I have failed an exam and that would be so tormenting for me but i think once you learn to take failures your life becomes so much easier, you cna learn to laugh them off and just wave them away...i had never thought about this before...but after i joined this lab i realized that there is more to life than being the number one in everything..there is so much more...the society will always lay pressure on you to be the next einstein or even beat eintein but then you dont have to always work according to them...we have to decide and look for our priorities and then understand that winning is not everything..i have met so many people here who talk about their failures wihtout any shame or remorse and then they always rose above that and laughed at it...that makes me feel somehow that how immature I am and maybe my priorities in life were effed. But i think i know why I am the way I am...having grown up in a male dominated society...as everyone else..i somehow always saw the pity in others eyes for bieng a girl...a world where women most often would abort their girl child...it is a sorry state but then it was the truth of my life..and somehow i took the beacon to atleast be the best in what i do so that i can prove something to this sneering world..to make my folks really proud of me one day....and they are..but then i have grown so used to this feeling of making it the best always that i cant let go of this, and that was the reaosn why i couldnt take failure...but now i have started to look beyond and i know that every failure is teacing me something...in some way..and that is good enough for now..all i have to say that at some point in life we always think that if somehow we can get that..then I would be so damn happy and qwould never look beyond that but then it seems that the thing keeps on evading you...you lose all the hope and the anticipation and then one day slowly that thing will come and sit on your shoulder like a butterfly just that the feeling in your heart is gonna be different...and you might not feel the same way as you thought as you would but it is so numb...it is always like that for everyone i guess but then we must for sure realize that nothing in this world is so awesome that you die to get it..because then you are losing on today hoping for tomorrow and if it is meant for you then you would definitely get it...in time..or esle its never meant for you.
i m glad to be learning a few crucial lessons in my life now that i will always remember..thanx to many people and many sticky situations and many failed experiments...recently...

Saying goodbye....

Sometimes you feel such a void when someone has left..the silence is eerie and gets intolerable too after a while..How important it is to have good friends and companionship, i realized that only after I came here...all by myself. unaware of anything that went on here...far away from home, family, friends and the people i loved...it was hard...but I was getting the independence i always wanted..to be on my own to have my own experiences. While going for my roomies here, i did not give any priorities and i wanted to take whatever comes my way, without any prejudice. After 10 months, I am so glad about my decision then, it couldnt have been better. I know I was one of those lucky ones who got such supportive and caring roomies. They were all senior to me, yes i was pampered and loved and also bossed around..at times. which i tried to take in stride. They were like my own sister and they held my hand and taught me the new ways of life, which i was apprehensive but excited to learn about. They taught me new stuff..about the lifestyle, people, cuisines...and life in general. It has been so great all throughout and i never realized that 10 months had gone by.
Whenever I needed someone to tell my days exciting events or about the stupid casanovas they were always around to lend me their ears and their advice too on how to deal with them. When I had to go early for class or lab they were my alarm clock and my morning coffee when i studied early morning for my exams, they made my wake up coffee for me...they were my source of encouragement when I was down or worried about my exams and studies and deadlines. They never let me go to bed empty stomach, being the lazy bum I am (only for cooking) I could never manage my work and life so as to find time for cooking esp and ended up having cereal and bread at night too for dinner, but they were always there with some nice hot veggie food. they took care where I was if i was too late at work or at a party and they got all worried about me, they always came in to ask me wehn i had a 'do not disturb' sign on my door. they were always there for me and then i grew up and started to know the ways of life here in a new place..which started to seem more friendly to me. Being from different countries and speaking a different tongue never brought any kind of barriers between us. we could read each others feelings. we joked and laughed and at times bitched too about some of our common enemies, discussed issues..had our fun time....they have been taking care of me here like their own and they touched me with their kindness and concern. I would have been so lost without them, and today one of them moved out and the other one would be gone soon. I dont know if I would be fine then..or not but one thing that i know about is that I am going to miss them like hell. it is a painful process to see someone wrap up and packup for finally leaving....there is a strange silence in this apartment today...and i already hate it...
I know it is hard to say goodbye and one more thing that i know is that if you find people in your life who could bring tears in your eyes and a shadow on your heart when they leave..and if you feel it is hard to bid goodbye..then you have achieved something..i dont know if they would ever read this post..but D and N I am going to miss you guys...you have touched my heart and my life with all your loving and caring gestures and I would love to hear from you again....hope you dont forget me.... :)
take care...good luck...and remember it is not a good bye after all..

Do I need that?

The other day I was thinking about my buying habits. okay okay...so this wasnt the case entirely. I was actually so damn tempted to buy this thing online and I was trying to hold back. I have been going to get my weekly or maybe fortnightly groceries and then I am so tempted by the stupid things which make no sense in any way at all to be bought and then I go to buy yoghurt and then the check out lady gives me a heart attack by telling me that my sum total is 100 bucks (mind you in dollars) and I just keep on wodering where did i spend all that money..I am aweful at handling my expenses, even before you say it, I eve tried to leave my wallet at home so that i dont buy stuff that i dont need, but that also dint help, reason being, I ask my flatmates to buy the stuff for me so that i can pay them back and the situation remained just as worse and nothing improved, the only thing that actually changed was my checkbook's pages and my atm statements, thats it. so the thing was that nothing improved and the hole in my pocket kept on getting bigger and bigger. So finally i started minimizing my errands to the shopping malls, but then I am a human bing after all and i need to get stuff for my survival. Trust me, half of the time I shop with my flatmate, who is even a worse case than me, I know it is harder to beleive, but yes she is, she keeps on buying stuff and that goes continously being pushed back into the backened of her fridge and the freezer and the only time she is actually reminded of them is when it has gone bad and it starts to stink or maybe develop some microbial growth, by the way while I am on this topic, let me tell you that apart from the dull blue green fungus, there is another species of fungus, of pink and purple color, I dint know tis befire coming here. And when I told my cousin about this thing, he told me that there is another kind of fungus prevalent which is purple in color and it is found in Europe, and he beleives that the fungus is maybe GAY. well, this topic is kinda censored so lets stop this gross discussion. eugh...
anyways..watch what you eat...Indian fungus needs more colors.for sure..
so the thing was that half of the shopping time, I and my flatmate ended up draggin each other form the aisle, where there was all the un needed, useless stuff in the world.
So after all the options I tried, I tried the last option and guess what i tried was finally this...it was no big measure, but just a simple technique and it was a small question, "Do I need this?" and then I thought of all the possible sceanarios where I could or couldnt need the stuff and then i weighed the options ( think how smart I am! :) )and finally I decided whether I should or not buy it. trust me this works big time, as ever since I have stopped myself from buying :
a new apple ipod (when I have an ipod shuffle, a sony discman and a sansa player)
a wireless mouse
a set of speakers, (when I have the stereo bluetooth headphones, bought an year ago)
A new set of cushions for my bed
another lamp (not needed at all, I have one already)
a video cam (my cam already have a brillaint video cam)
a new set of snuggies
a new set of glares
etc etc...
the list is endless...
anyways this works and it has prevented many a tragedies with my wallet and credit card. and it is smiling right now. So you can imagine that everything is going great. so the message is loud and clear, please ask youself this question before youa ctually buy something and this is coming from a very experienced shopaholic (again proves how wise I am ) so this post goes to a higher level I think, concerning the maturity level and a better understanding for my psyche that deals with my shopping needs.
have fun shoppping till the next post.
cheers...

LIFE and DEATH

a very interesting and apt representation of the two most mystical phenomenon known to human kind...and that is Life and Death.

ODE TO 'NICE GUYS'

This is a very interesting RANT..as in an ode to nice guys that I stumbled online..I found it interesting and painstakingly true in more ways than one and I thought that it was a much better idea to share it with everyone, coz I know that there are hundreds of guys in the world who would easily relate to this post...I know it trashes girls in every way but then truth is a truth..no matter what...
Check it out..and If the 'nice guys' out there have something to add, they must go ahead with it
Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

My take on Blah Blah Blah...

O Man! I again and again say this..that I am not a cook and not in any sense will ever be...I actually don't believe I started this post with the phrase 'O Man'..I mean it doesn't really mean that only Men can read it. If you are a girl by any chance and have started reading it this stupid meaningless and nonsensical post then go ahead because in either case this post doesn't make any sense. I think that I am slowly coming under the influence of the phrase O man!, hey Man!, hey dude!, holy cow, o boy! etc etc etc...well i used to use them before too but the frequency has just tripled or maybe quadrapled up since past some 7 months...I am afraid that when I go back to India this time, I am going to shock my padosi waale uncle by greeting him with..'Hey Old man wassup?' it is not funny at all but i still kinda want to see my Mom's expression...ye Indian moms have a great tendency of tokofying you in front of everyone and anyone...even if you grow up to be 40..it doesn't imply that I am 40, but at the rate things are going, I dont think my mom is ever gonna change her habit anytime sooner and as Sally of 'When Harry met sally' fame said, someday I am gonna be 40, it is out there sitting for me'...anyways so the point here is that I was video chatting with one of my sister in law and she is pretty much my age so I didn't see a point of saying 'namaste' and all, so I said, hey bhabhi! how are you...and my mum who was also there, and I didn't realize, immediately said...'namaste nai hoti hai bhabhi se?' and even though I was on a video chat I felt like a 5 year old again and went pink...what a starting to a nice relationship with my sister in law..in other words, 'mummy ne dho daala', and for those who dont know what this phrase means, then please I would rather suggest that you go back to basics and check out the typical Mumbaiyaa type of language....bcoz i picked it from somewhere i dont really remember. well I am prety sure if my sis read this post, her first comment would be, "your language is going to gutters"
I mean even my mum comes online these days and says 'hey..sup? everything cool?'
initially i was shocked but now i m getting used to it bcoz she picked this language from us itself..wow smart mom.isnt she? i coiuldnt be prouder ...
By the way I have some amazing theroies abound from some of my family members...some are just in the hypothesis stage but someday they will be published stories no doubt about that...
well sample this, once my sis had a aweful tooth ache right in the middle of night and she had nothing..no pain killers and no clove oil of course...so she had to bear it anyways...but right that moment a brilliant idea stuck her..which could have even embarassed and shocked Newton out of his wits, trust me..so she thought that if she supplied something to eat for the bacteria hammering and pounding and eventually infesting on her tooth, then she might be able to distract the pathogen and it might leave her tooth alone and rather infest on something better and soft and some fresh food so she ate some cookies and bingo! it worked...I am not kidding dude...it did work...even the pathogen is confused how it fell for the trap...

sample theory 2: Well like every wife my mum still at times.... (read most of the times) complains about my dad's habits..which she hates but hasnt given up on complaining till date...amazing patience...i have to admit...anyways so whenever my mum opens her complaint register, my dad suddenly loses his power of hearing and then he gave me an idea..why doesnt anyone create a filter for the ears, so that the unwanted things do no enter the ears and then the brain and should be filtered out, in that case we would be saving ourselves so much of brain, and stress and energy required to process that useless info. not a bad idea...are any engineers listening...well in that case, I am an engineer too did I tell you guys...but now I am going to be amazing combo and I love proteins so maybe i could screw up the proteins in the brains (read enzymes, and those out of field read blank bcoz anyways u wont get it, no offence) so we could actually filter some useless info...
anyways as I havent invented anything of that sort till date so you could do a better job by skipping this useless post and save your energy if you have any by the end of this post and also some of your brain, if you have any..at all..that was so rude....i know...but still no offence :)

P.S. I guess the number of mispelled words actually went down with this post, but my friends who think they are still bad, i think I am going to write posts and make it available to public for further editing, bcoz i have a very bad habit of not reading my posts once I am done..same as I used to do with my essays till 12th grade, they were so long anyways that forget my poor teachers, I would also not dare to re read the manuscript once done...but I think I make such mistakes due to typing, otherwise my spellings arent that bad....I know I have a come a long way from grade 1 where I used to spell no one as 'noone' and put puctuation marks like commaand full stops in the begining of the fresh line if there was no space in the above one.
something like...
I am citizen of India
, which is a great country..blah blah blah..
now you must be wondering how can anyone do that, but trust me I did it when I was a kid and ask my sis she will ratify it immediately in blood (read ketchup) bcoz she was so embarassed when my teacher pointed it out to her..."N I dont believe she is your sister, i mean look at your english(read top grades) and look at hers (read not bottom but buried grades, somewhere underground..)..it is unbelievable...My sis also threatened to disown me infront of whole school if i didnt improve...Anyways blogs arent the exact place to practice your grammar, they are for whatever BSing you want to do....and it sabout random thoughts..i fele if I start editing my posts then I would be bored to death reading them and they would sound so formal and all...but still I should try to be a little careful with what I post online....even if I am the only one reading it. Ten years down the lane my kids would find it somehow and then they would point it out to me and their friends.. "see my mommy sucked in her spellings, how can she ask us to spell 'indivisual' as 'individual'?
How insightful and foresightful...well the second one(foresightful) is not a word...let me tell you before you start doubting your own vocab skills, but it kinda sounds right to me...so before that day comes actually I should get better with my typing errors...and form my next post I will...why the hell this google blog doesnt have a auto spell correct tool..beats me to think of it...
anyways..the point is that ignore my spellings if you can, unlike my first grade English teacher and I would be more than happy... :) (See i am already beaming... )

Observations...I guess that goes well..not really sure..

I hate to give my posts specific titles..not because I don't know what I am writing, but because, I write about such a variety of stuff in just one post and digress like crazy..so I don't really know that by the end what my post should be actually called...anyways...read this..maybe you'd know...
So I would again say what I haven't said before. NYC is an amazing place. Definitely the most happening in its own way and it stands out..not just because of the tall sky scrapers and the buildings which are so tall that even if your walking at the slowest of speeds you wont really get to the topmost storey of it, as you would be shoved around by the crowd of people walking around, hurrying to reach their destinations. I never quite understand where everyone is hurrying to? is the world coming to an end? is everyone there so short of time, to put it frankly, i at times feel embarrassed for wandering and at worse loitering there in the streets with freinds for no reason, except for kiling time...or more aptly for looking for some nice place to eat. Nevertheless, I love the place, more for the reason, that I see so much of diversity there. I walk the streets and I keep out on looking for the different people, walking around me. so similar but yet so different. I have somehow always admitted to the fact that God is the most creative person present, though we barely know what he looks like.
For once picture this, everyone has the facial features right in the same places, or same locus on the faces but yet we all look so different. I mean we all have a forehead followed by eyes, cheekbones, nose, chin, but we all still look so unique and different. I have a weird habit of wathcin people, as they move around me. By observing them I keep thinking, where they come from, where they might be going? whose the person walking next to them? are they happy? do their eyes look sad? are they a victim of vanity, are they rich or just making ends meet? kids, old people, lovers...every face has a story for me...every set of eyes says something to me...or atleast i feel that way. I look at the people in fine woollens, all laughing holding huge macy's bags and carrying the most prized collection of bags...and then I saw this man, lying in the corner of the same sidewalk, all cold, and maybe asleep or maybe dead..no one looked...no one cared....the paradox shocks me and pains your heart too. maybe he has problems that he cant deal with..maybe someone is waiting for him at home....who can really say...i cant't even i look at him, feel bad and then get lost in my world or maybe the next couple I see there holding hands, looking happy...or maybe the old couple that looked so happy and contended...the way you look when you hear your son/daughter is coming back home after a long time....their faces radiant with the glow that radiates from their heart...the paradox shocks me..I at times can feel the emotions...drifting in the air...sometimes caught by a hand that cares and a heart that loves, but most times jst flowing by uncared...
I see the guy walking in an armani suit, with the most expensive of phones and way too busy to look around either to appreciate the beauty or to spare a thought for the pain and suffering, right after him I see the old hag, scurrying to her home, with the worried eyes, thinking about herself and people like her...trying to make ends meet.....I see the business guy...late for some important meeting and then a school girl...heading to her home..holding tightly her little brother.s hand..not to lose him in the crowd...everyone is busy...too busy to look, too busy to care....too busy to spare a thought....a mother with her son...people standing dressed up as artists and statue of liberty in that chilly wind..to smile with everyone...to earn up some good money to buy their sons and daughters a nice warm scarf or coat....and the guy selling the sausages in that brutal cold....they are like these flowers...which are standing tall in the bright and always alive Times square, but even though they got lucky enough to stay there forever, they are not even looked at...no one cares about them, they all ignore thme to see the bright and lit up Times square...a life wasted....and worst the pollution from carbs and expensive mercs killing them slowly...with the tall buildings around condescendingly telling them each day..how worthless their lives are and how uncared their beauty is...
Once my friend had told me that she hated to see off people or pick them up from stations and airports...i never fully understood why...because...as a person, I love to sit there and feel the hustle bustle around me..both the places...are so full of emotions and feelings that you can actually feel them in the air around you...when people leave..the sadness, when people meet..their happiness..the joy of hugging your loved one...to see them come back safe and sound...little kids..playing around..so oblivious of anyone departing or coming in...but busy with their own lives...to care a damn....it is so beautiful....like a barrel overflowing with emotions...a mesh..of feelings....feel it sometime...try to look at the eyes of people..to read their stories...to relate to their lives, even if just for few moments....it is an out of the world feeling...incomparable to anything....everyone has the capability to feel their own heart..but try to read someone eyes whom you just dont know at all..if u have the heart...you will know what I am trying to say...but in the meantime...I will continue with my life....happy obeserving... :)